I don't think this would be appropriate for the forums. The mentioning of a gun and blood makes it not appropriate if I have to go to personal experience of even -mentioning- a gun on something random, or let alone blood on the RPG forums.<br><br> However, you can get the jist of the mood. A little too cliche but still had some good factors. I would say more detail and proofread. Every writer should proofread, actually, it should be the 1st thing to do before posting. Proofreading is essential.
"Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in New Eyes."
I don't think this would be appropriate for the forums. The mentioning of a gun and blood makes it not appropriate if I have to go to personal experience of even -mentioning- a gun on something random, or let alone blood on the RPG forums.<br><br> However, you can get the jist of the mood. A little too cliche but still had some good factors. I would say more detail and proofread. Every writer should proofread, actually, it should be the 1st thing to do before posting. Proofreading is essential.
<br>Whats cliche mean? Deffintly more detail, this was 5 mins of the top of my head. I have pages and pages of work ive spent hours on before. Id rather post those but im on vacation and dont have access to them. Thanks for honesty (:
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"Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in New Eyes."