So I have a Dilemma...

I don't wanna go to college...not even the lease bit.<br>It's been bugging me and bugging me ever since we signed me up for it..and I just can't fathom having to pay over $30k for something I don't want to do as a full career. I'm sorry, but I don't want to bend over and trim hooves all day, every day. Sure I wanna train horses for a living, but I know it's not going to make me the money that I want to have and give me the things I want to have.<br>I know my mum just wants me to have an easier life than she did..but she doesn't care about what -I- want to do anymore..She was deadset on having me go to a college, she wanted me to go to Robert Morris like she did..but forget that, I'll go crazy if I had to work in a damn office every day, all day. I wanna do something outdoors or driving, not sitting on my already lazy ass.<br>She's now blaming my boyfriend (who is going to police academy and being an officer like his father and what he's wanted to do since he was 3) for "giving me and ultimatum" and that it's his dream and not mine. Before I started riding, I always wanted to be a K9 officer..always. I wanted to be the one with the dog chasing the bad guys. I understand that officers don't make a ton if money either..but I'll take $40k/year over anywhere from $12-50k/year. Sure, the 50k would be nicer, but it's not a garuntee and I'll still have to have another job on too of having horses to train. I'd prefer to buy cheap horses, retrain them, and flip them as an all-arounder as opposed to taking in 8 different horses I've never met before for a month or two of training.<br><br>And while police work might not be my true passion, I know that I'd love doing it. Unlike the police in my county, I'd do the job right and not messed up and abusing the system.<br><br>I understand my mum's just being a mum and worrying..but she's not supporting me and what -I- want to do. Before I signed up for anything, I basically felt that she was going to disown me if I didn't go to college like she wanted me to, so I agreed to go to a college with horses just to make her happy/proud/what-have-you. I made a big ass mistake right there, and never again will I do something just to make someone else happy. She can't realize that ain't NO ONE gonna make me do something I don't want to do. If I didn't want to be a police officer, I wouldn't be wanting to go to the academy to become one, not for her, not for my friend's, and sure as hell not just because that's what my boyfriend's doing. Just because that's what he wants to do doesn't mean he's pushing it on me, because he isn't, and he's never even tried to convince me to do it just because he wants to.<br><br>I came home today just to get my feelings hurt and out down by her..that's it. I can't help but think she just wants to be happier than me, which she isn't. I'm sorry you haveto work more than 10 hours a day outside (she use to sit on her ass in an office all day), but that's not my problem, and especially not my fault. I'm sorry that you were divorce twice because you do the same thing to everyone. It's not my fault you hate your life, but I'm not about to go about and do whatever she wants me to, especially if I have no desire to do so. I don't want to spend $30k+ on something I could get for free..no one in horses lookfor some certificate that says I can train, they're looking at the horses I'm riding around and showing.<br>All she had to say when I came in was that she doesn't want me hanging out with "them kinda people" (who have been my friend's for awhile and have never screwed me over) for more than 2 hours. And brushing that off, I was excited and told her that I finally memorised the police code of the alphabet..and all she told me was that she didn't freaking care and to "go blow" because "that's HIS passion, NOT yours!". Please tell me how the HELL she knows what my passion is? She didn't care that I wanted to hunt, she didn't care that I wanted to ride horses, she didn't care that I wanted to go camping, she didn't care that I wanted to fish; why's she all of a sudden care about if I want to do police/security work or be a trainer?<br><br>I don't even know what I'm gonna end up doing..I wanna just run away and not had to deal with her bipolar, schizophrenic, crazy, rudeness anymore. I'm tired of living here and always being put down..ya know? I'm the one that ends up doing all her and my brother's laundry, I do the dishes that I don't use, I have to take the garbage out, I have to get the mail, I have to run her errands and then get complained at for needing gas put in the "2nd family car" (that she gave to me as a graduation present..yet it's not mine..), I don't get a "good job" when I'm excited about doing something for myself..All I get is something to put me down and make me feel like I'm stupid, or I'm an ungrateful brat, or I'm something else or about how I made some simple mistake..<br>It's tiring, it really is.<br><br>I don't wanna get put down when I tell my mother something I'm proud of accomplishing. I don't want to be forced into something I don't want to do because she wants me to do it. I don't want her telling me about how much she hates my boyfriend. Of all people she could hate, she always goes on about him..yet all he wants to do is get her to like him. He offered to fix our door, siding, windows, etc for free sothat maybe she'll like him better...<br>And then she complains about me wanting to go drive to his house a whole 8 minutes away (driving) in the next town over and asks why I don't clean the house so he can come over here. Last time I tried to clean something, I got put down and hollered at for "not doing it right". If you don't like the way I do it, then shut up and do it yourself. I do not hoard every kids toy we've had since we were little, it's nit my problem when you want the stuff out of the house, yet you won't let me throw it away.<br><br>I'm just so done with being put down for every little thing..feeling like I'm being forced into things..feeling like nothing I do is appreciated. God knows if she's goingto give me the $100 she owes me so that I can pay for my lease on ST..which was suppose to be due on the first of the month.<br><br><br>And THEN, I get told by M, who use to be my best friend, that I've changed, I made her look like a jerk, I said screw everyone else but my boyfriend, I don't care about her anymore, and blah blah blah..Yet, she's the one who's changed since she started dating J (they recently broke up, but she didn't magically change back). Everyone else who knows me will say that I haven't changed not a damn bit for the past 5-6 years..but everyone who knows her will say that she's changed. She's not my best friend anymore..and it's not by fault to me.<br><br>But anyway..my life's all messed up right now, and I just don't know what to do. <br>Cookies and cake to those that read..any opinions would be nice, if someone wants to offer.(: