Patience.

lovefrompaige · March 2012

I hate how little patience I have. I won't take on something that I know will take forever and if I can help it, I'll start something early just so I can be done with it. But on the other hand, if I know I have to do something, and I don't like what I have to do, then I'll procrastinate on it forever. It drives me crazy because there are so many things I want to do and never have time for them. I always make excuses and when I do finally do the things that I want to do, it always bites me in the butt. That's what I get for trying to get things done early. When I say I try to get things done early, I mean I started college half way through my high school career on top of maintaining a job that gives me 40+ hours of work each week. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the people there. I love my friends and family. My college classes this semester are a breeze, but for some reason I'm finding my high school semester to be challenging/boring. It's a challenge because I don't want to do it. I guess this is a case of Senior-Itis... (sp?) but still! I'm not the type of person who likes laziness and when I know I have to do something and find other things to do while I should be doing the other thing, it drives me crazy! More stress, more chaos... Ugh. The bright side, I got into a very good Art College and am already ahead in that. I'm [edited, no personal info] and am already finished with all my English and Math credits and almost have an Associates Degree. I'm proud of myself. But then again, I'm tired..... I'm tired of always trying to make my parents proud. To make my boss proud. And most of all, to feel accomplished and proud. It's like I'm at war with myself sometimes. I love myself for doing all of this. Most kids around here aren't even going to college. I live 5 mins from the border and there are so [edited, inappropriate topics]. I'm very happy about that. But sometimes I wonder if I rushed through my childhood, or what was left of it. I now have a job and am practically supporting myself. The only thing I don't pay for is rent. If I didn't work, I would get so much crap from my parents. So I'm forced to give up my weekends. No sleeping in, no late nights. I seriously work all day and most nights on the weekends and then during week days I get home at 6 most of the time. Hence why I'm barely on VP anymore... If I could give advice to kids that are growing up in tough times, DO WHAT YOU THINK WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY. If you don't need a job, don't get a job. If you plan on going to college and know that once you go, you won't have any free time, don't start SUPER early like I did. I have not had a summer vacation since my Freshman year of high school. I was taking classes over summer vacation at my high school. Yes it is good to get ahead, but most of the time I'm never happy. It becomes routine. Nothing new and nothing exciting. Do all your high school work and do it well. Yes, it does count. Right now, I know my senior year is almost up. I only had 3 classes at the school and was there for maybe 2 hours each day. I feel stupid for just leaving like that. I feel like I've already graduated. I feel like I'm living the life of a 22 year old. But not in a good way. I should be going out with friends. I should be painting and doing photoshop, stuff that I -LOVE-... But I never have time for it. The fact that I'm on vp right now and not working on some of my 3D art concentrations right now is biting me in the back of the neck. But I have to take a break.. If you don't believe how busy I am, ask Tuff lmao Poor girl has to put up with my busy schedule.

If I could, I would paint, draw, spray paint stencils, photoshop, and play vp ALL DAY. That would just be the best. But even when I do get the rare occasions when I get a couple hours free time, I can never relax because I always feel like I should be doing something. Better to be busy then bored... <- My stupid saying. It's sad, I know. Just tell me already that I need to take a chill pill. I know I do. But I think I need someone to shove it down my throat lmao XD Somebody stop time for me so I can just LIVE life instead of going through it......... Cookies to anyone who reads this and leaves a comment. Haha

wetnose101 · March 2012

Eh. What happened to me in your siggy?!? Anyways...:3 take the rest of High school, keep your job, and take college when you graduate Hs. It will give you mre time than you have now to photoshop, paint etc. Then save up Monies to give to me. Or visit me I suppose. -sigh- giv ur mony to me, her bruthur. <--- thats what little brothers do. (not amused)

Dark Flame · March 2012

Sounds mad that Tuff, I'm the same age, In university cause in england you go to college at 16, then can go onto university, my dad is constantly nagging at me to get a job, that I don't really need so still havent gotten one. But he thinks I should get a job because he can't afford the house, but at the moment I am paying him rent and paying for my own food cause we don't have any in the house which kinda sucks. But if I was you, i'd set aside at least 30mins a day to just relax, if you get home at 6 then chill 7-8 or something. Just give yourself a break. If you can, give up the job or even just work one day at the weekend and then spend the other day doing what you want to. And if you feel like you should be doing something, think to yourself 'I am doing something, I'm giving myself a well deserved break' and if you ever need to talk im here

lovefrompaige · March 2012

Like the old saying goes, easier said then done. The reason why I'm working so many hours is so I can help pay for my schooling. The more I pay for upfront, the less debt I'll have. Plus I like my job. If I didn't have to go to high school and college, I would be there all day. (: It's a magical garden. Very pretty. But you're right. I'll try practicing that today after school and work. (: Thanks Tiger.

Dark Flame · March 2012

Wow magic garden that sounds nice, wish we had stuff like that, hopefully im getting a volunteer job soon at the horse sanctuary, which i'd like

and no problem

TuffGirl · March 2012

Keep your head up! One day you're going to be extremely successful and you'll still be young. I definitely agree with Tiger. Take a break and talk to me xD And next year you'll be having a blast at your Art college! Doing all kinds of artsy stuff. Don't let that pterodactyl get you either. Devilish things, they are.

lovefrompaige · March 2012

That sounds fun Tiger (: And I know huh? Darn things. Today I had a talk with my devilish teacher. That went well... Today we had a cater thing.. I just got home and my feet hurt. Ugh, long days. Things are starting to tense down now. The vent helped a little.

3Eagles · March 2012

First off Kudos to you. Not many grown ups can do what you do with the maturity level I know you have. I've been a mini adult from the beginning. I've always had a maturity level that most people my age don't have. Most of my rl friends are 1 to 5 years older then me and I'm still more mature then the lot of them. Most people can't carry on a real conversation anymore. I feel like I jumped head first into the adult world. I started 'working' when I was 11. First just with my dad and then babysitting at my church 2 to 5 times each week. I can't say I did good with school though. I put that off horribly. I started dating my husband at age 14. Married him 16 days after my 18th birthday. I got a job a couple weeks later that was 45ish hours a week. Quit that after almost 3 months due to management problems there. I now have a way better paying job with less hours for the moment. I run my own house hold and help my husband get to school on time and he was juggling 2 jobs and an internship. I had been helping my mom do the shopping and all but now it's my job. I love doing this but there's definitely little to no down time if I don't make any for myself. I'm moving us by myself to a new house bit by bit. I understand what you are going through and how it feels. The best advice I can give you is to start scheduling 30 minutes every other day to do something. After a week increase the time by 15 minutes. It'll feel wrong and horrible at first but you need it and it sounds like you know it. But in the end you'll start enjoying everything else more. Make time to go out and do something fun and crazy. Even if its only once a month. Its a step. miss ya and luv ya. *huggles*

lovefrompaige · March 2012

Thanks Triss. All that helps. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one going through all this. I try but I just feel like I'll fall behind. Ugh, but I know I have to do it. Today we didn't have class so I got to go out to the mall with two friends. It was fun but now that I'm home I feel like I could've been doing something else with my time. I don't regret going out, but it's just that feeling you get in the back of the head. I think it's just cause of my art class. I've been having problems with that lately. Oh well. Miss you too! (:

DarkHawke · April 2012

I did the same thing you're doing dear. Started college at 15, while still in high school. Graduated a year early from high school, worked on trying to finish college. Was working since I was 15, as well. Made GREAT grades through my first year of college. Maintained my job. But never really had time for family/friends/relationships, not even time for myself... And well now... I started getting worse and worse grades in college, because instead of being something I really wanted, I was burn-out and it became a chore. I didn't want to be there, so I didn't see why I should be. I finally dropped out of college after being put on academic probation for grades. I need 4 classes to finish my degree and just don't have the want-to to get it done right now. I figure that my emotional health should come first. I needed a break and sometimes that's just what you have to do for yourself. If you over-work yourself, you end up emotionally drained and will end up way behind where you want to be because of it. I know it's cliche, but if you died tomorrow, are you happy with your life? Have you had fun? Do your friends know you truly care? Did you make time for them? What about your family? Have you made time for them? Pets (if you have them)? Do you make time for them? Not saying that you're not doing a great thing, because you are. But you have to make time for yourself in the mean time. If you aren't happy, what do you have? I'd rather live happy and feel successful rather than miserable and as an over-achiever. (:

Dark Flame · April 2012

I definatly agree with Hawke, do what makes you happy

I've been nagged and nagged to get a job (a paid one) but I decided against that and got the volunteer job at the horse sanctuary cause I felt I'd get better reward from it and guess what my dad now doesnt care, and is happy for me... mental... and you just need to do what makes you happy, if working makes you happy then great, but when you need a break definitely give yourself one cause you'll get fed up otherwise. I would know, since I overworked myself in school and then when it came to college I couldn't be bothered doing everything before the deadline, and then I'd just aim for the pass and get the grades up when we got to re-do it, now Im in university and I have to get the good grades first time, which surprisingly I am managing to do. But thats probably cause I gave myself a break last summer. Hope it goes well for you

lovefrompaige · April 2012

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this. And like you said DarkHawk, I think I was emotionally drained. The year is almost over so I think I'm just gonna finish up. As for summer I have decided to actually live rather then being a slave. My mom was actually surprised.. ha. Thanks guys for the kind words. They mean a lot

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Patience.

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