Not sure what to do :(

MissyMae95 · June 2011

So I've been thinking alot lately....and I havent been seeing my dad that much. I love him. I'd love a relationship with him. I just dont know if i can handle it. I mean i know he loves me and all and I know he'd love to see me. And I just wish i knew what to do. Im just so confused. I havent really talked to him since Fathers day...And i didnt even really talk to him then. I havent stayed at his house since god knows when. I just dont feel like part of his family anymore....I feel like im on the outside looking in. I wish I could tell my dad How i truly feel but i cant. Hes so hard headed he wont listen to anyone. He told me hes done trying to get me to come out....he told me hes done calling me too. I just wish he wouldnt have given up so easy...I wish he wouldnt have forced me to come out to his house.He just went through a Devorice and is already with some other girl whom hes had a daughter with already. And wants another kid within a year. I dont know how much i can take. Being the only child on my dads side for 15 years then suddenly a new baby. I feel like i was a mistake in his eyes and that he needed to replace me and couldnt be happy with just me. I really dont know what to do anymore. I miss him so much..but i cant tell him. Just some more facts. I live with my mom. I love her with all my heart. My dad live an hour and a half away from me...its a long drive it really is.....Hes always said he would move back closer to be with me...He never did....When i asked him about it again. He said that he liked his freinds up there and wouldnt leave cause of them....he put his friends before his own daughter. I mean thats not even right. Sure i know he had freinds and thats important but isnt family more important. I dont know what to do....But thanks for reading my little somewhat of a vent just saying it makes me feel better a little bit. If anyone has any advice please post. Cookies and cake to all who would read that whole thing.

Adrianna32 · June 2011

I'm really sorry. This story made me feel a little sick because I went through the same thing. My father and mother left each other, and when I moved in with my mom he would visit... then the visits stopped and he called instead... then the calls stopped and he just started writing to me on freakin FaceBook... How cheap is THAT?? After a long time of not seeing him my mom gave me the "good" news that I would be able to visit.. I go there to visit him and guess what he has?? A new baby girl.. and his girlfriend won't even let me go near the baby because she hates me and she thinks that I'm the only thing left in my dad's past and if she could get rid of me she would be able to start a "brand new" life with him without me being in the way. Needless to say her little plan worked, she got into his head and told him to stop contacting me, and he LISTENED. I haven't talked to him in about five years now and I found out about 4 years ago that he has THREE babies with his girlfriend that hates me. It makes me sick because I know she's living her perfect little life with him and she basically stole him from me. It makes me sad, but life goes on. You should try to sit him down and tell him how you feel, if it doesn't work then even though it's heartbreaking you may just have to deal with the worst. The best advice I can give is to try to remember that none of this is your fault, and that you'll always have your mother and people that love you. When my dad didn't come back I was depressed at first, but my sadness turned to anger and now I'm just thinking "if he doesn't want to talk to me then he doesn't deserve to be in my life, and I don't need him." -I can honestly say I don't feel like crying whenever I hear about him or see pictures of him now, I just live my life to the fullest and bond to my mom. : ) You may want to talk to her about this situation as well, maybe she can talk to him adult to adult. Either way, good luck, and cheer up hun.

KittKattize · June 2011

This is truly sad and my heart breaks a little when I read both of your stories. No child should every be treated the way you two have. My mother went through the same thing, he didn't even go to her wedding even though he knew. He didn't come to see me when I was born and doesn't even know about my brother or two cousins. We are pretty close to my mom's step-sister and it hurts knowing that he has a whole separate life with his wife and kids and grandkids. When I turned 16 he sent me a card with a check and a message saying that he was sorry for the years that he missed. Never cashed the check. It hurts knowing that I will be getting married in 9 days and know that he doesn't want anything to do with us. His first grandchild is getting married and he doesn't care. Although, my grandmother married a wonderful man that I am proud to call my grandfather. Speaking with your mom might help, though I don't know what the situation is between your parents. I think talking to your father might be best as it is more direct. Write down everything you've been feeling, even if it's angry, hurtful, anything that comes to your mind about this situation. Look it over and ask yourself what is it exactly that is making you feel this way. Write a good copy, something that sounds more grown up than the first copy and call him. Tell him to just listen and not interrupt because you need to get something out and read him what you wrote. It might be easier than just talking to him and not knowing what to say.

Adrianna32 · June 2011

When I had talked to my mom about it her and my dad weren't friends but she called him anyway and was yelling at him about how she couldn't believe what a terrible dad he was. So maybe talking to my mom wasn't the best choice, but atleast he knew that his parenting skills weren't too good. -.- Sometimes that's all anyone ever needs, is a wake up call. Maybe to him everything is fine and dandy and he doesn't think he's hurting anyone?? Kitt, I'm so happy for you!! Congradulations!! I'm glad you have a granfather, someone to fill that empty space. I have a stepfather that I call dad now, I've known and lived with him for ten years, that's longer then the time I spent with my real dad! Missy Mae, we're always here to help, vent all you want, I'll read it all. : )

MissyMae95 · June 2011

Thanks guys. I will really try to talk to him about it. My mom was talking to him for me but he really doesnt listen to anyone at all. it sucks.

Sea Oats · June 2011

Ugh. Just know that no matter how bad it gets, you've always got someone to talk to that understands. Like Zyndalee, I haven't seen or heard from my dad in about 3 years. He left when I was six, and for a while he tried because I think he still cared, but then I don't know what happened. Obviously I never did anything to make him not want to be around me, I was six for God's sake. And I was still a child when he decided he was completely done with me. My little sister never knew my dad, at least she doesn't remember what it is like to live with a father figure in the house, because she was only two when he walked out. I just graduated high school on June 12th, and he didn't even get an invitation. I've known for a while now that he wouldn't be there because that's just how things have been for the past few years, but I was tempted to send him an invitation just to see if he would show up -- he probably wouldn't have. He wasn't there to see me get my diploma. He doesn't know I got into one of the best four year universities in the state. He won't be there to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding. He won't ever meet my children. But over the years, I've come to realize that sure, I don't have both of my parents to be there for me and tell me what's right or wrong and love me unconditionally, but I have a hell of a great mother that has been the most amazing woman I have ever met for the past 12 years. And knowing that I have at least one parent that would put everything on the line for me is enough. Eventually I realized it wasn't worth me crying myself to sleep every night, it wasn't worth wondering if while I was thinking about him, if he was thinking about me too. Or wondering where I was, or when I would be home, or even if I was still alive. He's missing out on my life. He missed his oldest daughter getting her license, her first car, going to prom, graduating high school, and he won't be around to help me move into my dorm in August. I'm going to college and I only have one parent to be proud of how far I've made it, but you know what? That's okay with me, I'm not missing out on anything by not having him in my life. He's not worth my tears. Those tears are for when I graduate college, when I get married, when I hold my baby for the first time, and those are happy tears. I hope you can work things out with your dad, because there is nothing more horrible than rejection from one of the only two people on the planet that should always, no matter what, love you and be there for you. But I do want you to know that things happen for a reason, and if it does happen that you lose contact, you have to look at it as an opportunity to better yourself and make yourself stronger for it. And always know that others know what you're going through, and I can't speak for everyone, but some of us are better off, and I know you don't know me, but am here to listen if you ever need someone to talk to, no questions asked.

Frostbight8 · June 2011

I'm sorry.. It saddens when I read these kinds of things, especially since I don't even know my real dad, and I know nothing about him. I've had a stepdad since I was 4, and he seems to absoulutely hate me. Constant criticism. Anyway, I think you should really try to sit him down and talk to him..

MissyMae95 · June 2011

thanks guys.

KittKattize · June 2011

Sometimes things happen that we have no control over, but we must keep in mind that these things happen for a reason. Just remember that this has nothing to do with you! It's never your fault and don't blame yourself. I'm sure you are a wonderful person and don't let this keep you down.

MissyMae95 · July 2011

Thanks. Im not letting it keep me down. I know everything happens for a reason. And im sure It'll get better with time.

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Not sure what to do :(

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