Advice?

iluvdogs111 · May 2011

As some of you may know, I love kids and often work in my church's nursery. We entertain and care for the youngest children while the parents attend church. My favorite age group is the infants, and the director knows that and places me there whenever possible. Getting to the point, my sister (age 9) also adores the infants. A little while ago, when my mom worked there with me, she came in. It was allowed since she was with a parent. (Heck, I remember helping my mom in the toddler nursery when I was only 7.) Then, she started coming in even when my mom wasn't there. Just for a few minutes at the end, to say hello and play with the babies. She knew she wasn't supposed to hold them. Gradually, she started getting more comfortable there. She stayed for longer periods of time and didn't think twice about picking up a baby. Don't get me wrong, my sister is good with infants for a 9 year old. Still, some parents aren't ok with a 9 year old watching their kids. (Even if there are adults in the room.) None of the workers have ever said anything about her tagging along with me, but I've gotten to the point where I hate it. First of all, it makes me feel a little self-conscious. What if the director or the other volunteers aren't okay with a child being in there? Plus, it may seem silly, but I feel like if I'm always with my little sister, people won't think of me as an independent young adult. I want to be my own person and have something I can do by myself. I know she admires me, but does that mean she always has to do what I do? It's been a while since I volunteered in the nursery. I'm scheduled to help again next week. My sister is already talking about it and begging to come. Last time, in a desperate effort to get her to leave, I told her she could come in for part of the time next time. I've talked to my mom about this a number of times, but she doesn't seem to understand. Once, my mom agreed to keeping her out, only because she was getting over a cold. My sister begged her and guilted her into letting her come in for 15 minutes at the end of the service. I try my best to calmly explain things to my sister. I try to negotiate with her. Nothing works. When I was her age, I wanted to work in the nursery, but couldn't. I didn't have an older sibling to go with. I want to let her know that this has to stop. I'm fine with her coming at the very end. She can say hi and all that. But she can't be with me every second. Technically, it's not even allowed. So, my question is, how can I explain this to her and my mom? My parents don't think it's a big deal, and my sister thinks it's completly unfair that she can't come with me every single time. I feel bad for her, but it will only be a couple of years until she can volunteer herself. I waited, why can't she? Please, anyone with a little sibling or younger friend, any advice?

Minx · May 2011

Why dont you talk to the preacher about this? Im sure he could say something to her and get her to if not understand, comply by the rules.

iluvdogs111 · May 2011

VampireVenom wrote:

Why dont you talk to the preacher about this? Im sure he could say something to her and get her to if not understand, comply by the rules.

The pastor's not in charge of it...one of the ladies at our church directs the program. My sister's kind of sensitive, so I wouldn't want to embarass or upset her by bringing someone else into this. It's not a very strict rule, but...you know. I guess it's not so much about that, as it is about her always tagging along.

Minx · May 2011

Honestly... if it were me i would just literally kick her out. If she was bugging me bad enough i would just tell her that im locking the door and not letting her in. And do it. No matter how much she fusses. And you need to tell your mom straight up in a nice but strict way that you feel it is impending on your adult responsiblities to have your sister tag along. Tell her your not doing this to bring down your sister but to improve your own maturity level. As the baby of three siblings and the only girl, my mom has had the HARDEST time letting me grow up. Ive had to fight kicking and scratching to get any little bit of freedom i can. Im a legal adult and my mom still baby talks to me. She can be going to the dentist to get her "teefies" cleaned and it irks me sooo bad.

iluvdogs111 · May 2011

I know, I should just kick her out. And that's what I try to do, but she whines and embarasses me in front of parents and other volunteers. And I will try talking to my mom again, but I'm not sure if it will work. I kind of feel bad for my sister, because if it were me I'd want to come along as well. Still, it's not fair to me. I'll try talking to both of them when the time is right. I just wish there was some way I could get her out of there without making her mad or hurting her feelings.

SilentWinter · May 2011

I have a similar situation with my ex's little sister, and to make things ever weirder I am dating a new guy. You little sister probably admires you and wants to be like you, which is why she wants to hang out with you in the nursery. However, the part that sticks out in my mind is that parents are uncomfortable with your sister being there. In my church, if something makes parents uncomfortable involving childcare, we pray about it and then it is rectified in a way that we feel is correct. I would encourage you to pray about this before taking any action, because God has all the answers.

My advice would be to use the fact that parents are uncomfortable as a scapegoat and say that because of their discomfort, your sister cannot join you with the infants. Your sister does really need to learn that some things are simply not appropriate. Another strategy would be to invite her to do something else with you. Maybe she can't help you in the nursery, but you two go for a hike on Sunday afternoons or go to get ice cream or something. As far as your mom is concerned, I would try to tell her that having your little sister there is simply inappropriate, especially since there have been some complaints. Worst case scenario, I would kick her out, like VampireVenom said. If she is ACTING like a child and throwing a fit in front of the other volunteers and director TREAT HER like a child, tell her that is NOT okay and escort her out.

iluvdogs111 · May 2011

Thanks for the advice. Perhaps I should have wrote this differently. There actually haven't been any complaints and as far as I know, none of the parents acted uncomfortable. What I was saying is, there could be people that are unconfortable. I think I would be pretty protective as a parent and probably would be uncomfortable. My mom seemed tired of me bringing it up, but agreed to sign up in the nursery so my sister can work there with her. My sister seemed ok with it. Thanks for the help!

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