Ugh.

Coconayr · March 2011

Kill me now? I'm so sick of everything right now. My whole life has gone down ever since I started liking guys. Now, I'm not asking for advice. I've solved my problems today, so I don't think I'm breaking any rules. Any how, I had a panick attack today, just like I predicted. I lost a friend, probably more than one. And now, I'm super behind in school because of my surgery to top it all off.

My teacher tried to help me today, when I was having my attack. I couldn't breathe. I felt so helpless, and she just made me feel worse, so I, with my insufferable temper, snapped at her. She's one of my favorite teachers, so I feel pretty bad about that. To top it all off, my parents are fighting even more. I might've told you guys, not in detail though. My mom went out with her friends the night before I was supposed to go to Cavy Classic (Showing guinea pigs, lol.), and my stepdad stole her ATM cards and her drivers liscence, so I couldn't go. Selfish as it may seem, he had no right to do that to me. I behave myself, I keep my area clean, heck I even got a /somewhat/ job. And now, I probably can't even show in fair at all, because that was my program, and now I wouldn't doubt it if my standings are bad. My poor mom's diabetes has been acting up, meaning I'm walking to and from the pharmacy for her meds, and now I'm on meds too! I'm missing a LOT of school, and my grades are slipping. I feel dirty, even though I know I feel that way for a reason not my fault. Maybe I really just need to go away for a while. I feel if I was with my aunt I wouldn't be like this. I don't like not caring about anything. Of course, my mom won't let me move yet, though we're moving sometime soon. No idea when. Sorry for going all out on you guys, I just really needed to get this out. And you're all getting the condensed version of it. I feel like such a drama queen, lol, but it's true... So, how was your day?

Mileysmybaby · March 2011

Your NOT a drama queen! Your just stressed. Im sorry

I hope everything starts to get better! You can always come visit me! XD You have a right to be frusterated, you don't need to apologize

Coconayr · March 2011

Thanks, ML

Not your fault... I am very, very stressed. Doesn't help that my parents are too! It's a house full of stressed peeps! O.o

Mileysmybaby · March 2011

LOL. Your welcome (: Im stressed but I must say not nearly as much as you probably are LOL. I am suffering of lack of sleep LOL but yet I can't go to bed early no matter what, its just how it works lol.

Coconayr · March 2011

Oh god, I have that problem too! No one can get me to go to sleep! But, that's prolly got something to do with the stress

At least I don't have to worry about my /ex/boyfriend anymore

Mileysmybaby · March 2011

xD Thats good! aww ur not on ur site

lol

Coconayr · March 2011

Yeah, I have to go to 4H tonight, so I don't really have time for both, lol.

Frostbight8 · March 2011

Oh Coco. My life isn't terrific right now either, but you seem to be doing worse. I won't start ranting on your rant but.. meh, I don't know where I'm taking this. *Pats on back* I'm almost always on if ya ever want to talk.

Coconayr · March 2011

Rant on my rant all you want

. Nawh, but thanks Frost

Means a bunch to me

Frostbight8 · March 2011

We talk almost everyday so, no diiferent! Okay! I shall rant! Well.. lets see. I think I'm getting sick, I've actually felt pooey all week but.. anyway. My fosters are getting annoying all it is is yap yap yap yap yap with them! Then they are always escaping their pen. My stepdad likes to yell at me and critisize every little thing I do. As always. Aw man! I'm itting next to the fire and I am sweating! Woo! away*. School is awful, everytime I turn around somebody is barfing at my feet. I have a bunch of projects to do. Ugh.

Coconayr · March 2011

Ah, Turkey Bird. I'm sorry

Will a huggle make it all better?

tarnish · March 2011

Coconaur wrote:

Kill me now?

I'm going to start off saying that I really -hate- it when people use phrases like this. "Shoot me now", "Kill me now", "Fml" etc. I almost lost my girlfriend/best friend because she was depressed. I'm sure other people who actually lost loved ones would not like this phrase. I just want you to think about that term a little. Nothing justifies it. (btw, I'm not mad, just explaining

)

Coconaur wrote:

Any how, I had a panick attack today, just like I predicted. I lost a friend, probably more than one. And now, I'm super behind in school because of my surgery to top it all off. My teacher tried to help me today, when I was having my attack. I couldn't breathe. I felt so helpless, and she just made me feel worse, so I, with my insufferable temper, snapped at her. She's one of my favorite teachers, so I feel pretty bad about that.

If you feel bad about it, apologize. Maybe even talk to her about what you're going through or maybe explain the circumstances of your panic attacks. Maybe tell her what she should do if you have another one to avoid something like this again?

Coconaur wrote:

To top it all off, my parents are fighting even more. I might've told you guys, not in detail though. My mom went out with her friends the night before I was supposed to go to Cavy Classic (Showing guinea pigs, lol.), and my stepdad stole her ATM cards and her drivers liscence, so I couldn't go. Selfish as it may seem, he had no right to do that to me. I behave myself, I keep my area clean, heck I even got a /somewhat/ job. And now, I probably can't even show in fair at all, because that was my program, and now I wouldn't doubt it if my standings are bad. My poor mom's diabetes has been acting up, meaning I'm walking to and from the pharmacy for her meds, and now I'm on meds too! I'm missing a LOT of school, and my grades are slipping.

I don't know what to say about the fighting. I have to say that your behavior or how you keep your room does not mean your parents owe you things. Kids should keep their rooms clean and behave, that's what they're supposed to do. I will say though that what happened sounds unreasonable. It shouldn't have been a big deal to take you to that place. About your grades, ask your teachers if you could work something out, see if they have help sessions for kids that aren't getting it right away, there's peer tutoring, talk to a guidance counselor. There are options- explore them ;D

Coconaur wrote:

I feel dirty, even though I know I feel that way for a reason not my fault.

I'm really hoping this is not what I think it is. If it is something that's bad.. you should find someone to talk to.

Coconaur wrote:

Maybe I really just need to go away for a while. I feel if I was with my aunt I wouldn't be like this. I don't like not caring about anything. Of course, my mom won't let me move yet, though we're moving sometime soon. No idea when.

Moving away won't solve a lot of peoples' problems. People think that moving will make everything turn around and that's untrue. For it to get better -you- have to change. There are certain exceptions to this such as people that are abused or in really horrible environments where they need to have a more loving environment and get away from their abusers.

Coconaur wrote:

Sorry for going all out on you guys, I just really needed to get this out. And you're all getting the condensed version of it. I feel like such a drama queen, lol, but it's true...

It's alright to be upset. It's not like you're saying "Omg lyke my mom is so mean! she wont let me die my hairr!" Hope I helped somewhat

Mileysmybaby · March 2011

Coconaur wrote:

Yeah, I have to go to 4H tonight, so I don't really have time for both, lol.

lol well have fun at 4H!!! What ru showing ?

Coconayr · March 2011

Wow, Tarnish! Your reply is so long, I have to open a whole new window to reply to it all! As for the first thing... I'm really sorry about your girlfriend/ best friend. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but it was how I felt at the moment. I emailed my teacher, and she understands, but some of my problem, I've really only told about 5 people, 3 of which are on here and don't know me in real life. I didn't mean I should be rewarded for behaving nicely and such, just that my stepdad should treat me with more respect. Nothing's ever good enough for him, but that's how it was with his father, so I don't expect much more from him. The fact that I might not be able to show though is what makes me mad. He could've done anything else, but the fair is practically the only thing keeping me here. With my grades, it's just as if everything is slipping. It's not that I don't get the stuff, but more that when I start to do my homework or assignments something else always comes up, then I'm all stressed out and it's just too hard to go back. What you are thinking what I meant by feeling dirty might be true

Though, I'm not exactly sure what you meant, so I can't say if it was or not. Like I said up... ^there, I've only told a couple people, and I'm really not comfertable with it. Moving might seem as if I'm trying to run away from something or whatever, but really, I just want to get settled. I've moved so many times that the people here probably wouldn't miss me much, and I wouldn't miss them all that much either. I just want to live with my aunt so I can get myself situated, get some hold on education and such like that. I might want to come back, but I don't know. I really just want to seperate myself and start new

Gasp Finally, I would never say anything like that! I'm not that shallow, lmao. My mom is very laidback anyways, and I rarely have complaints about her or my actual father... now if they weren't divorced!

Actually, a lot of what you said does help. I was somewhat acting on a whim when I posted this, but still! Thanks!

Coconayr · March 2011

ML, I'm in dog and cavy, but my dog bites, lol, so pretty much only cavy

Mileysmybaby · March 2011

lol nice

tarnish · March 2011

Coconaur wrote:

Wow, Tarnish! Your reply is so long, I have to open a whole new window to reply to it all! As for the first thing... I'm really sorry about your girlfriend/ best friend. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but it was how I felt at the moment. I emailed my teacher, and she understands, but some of my problem, I've really only told about 5 people, 3 of which are on here and don't know me in real life.

She is okay now and I know you didn't mean anything by it. It was just something I thought I'd point out

. Sometimes telling people in RL whether its a school counselor, teacher, psychologist, etc can help. You don't necessarily have to be really suffering or crazy to see a psychologist. It's nice to get another point of view and see what they think. I'm tempted myself to go back and talk to someone again.

Coconaur wrote:

I didn't mean I should be rewarded for behaving nicely and such, just that my stepdad should treat me with more respect. Nothing's ever good enough for him, but that's how it was with his father, so I don't expect much more from him. The fact that I might not be able to show though is what makes me mad. He could've done anything else, but the fair is practically the only thing keeping me here. With my grades, it's just as if everything is slipping. It's not that I don't get the stuff, but more that when I start to do my homework or assignments something else always comes up, then I'm all stressed out and it's just too hard to go back.

I know what you mean. Just some kids think they should get things for what they're -supposed- to be doing. That's the thing about parents, sometimes they won't do things for you because they don't feel like it. Even when I was good when I was younger, I sometimes wasn't able to go to sleep overs because my mom didn't feel like driving me. Maybe you should think of it in a more positive way? With not being able to go to the show, you would have more time for homework or whatever else you need to get done. Lots of things just need to be prioritized. Try to buckle down and focus- school is over soon! I am drowning myself in all this work I have. I sometimes wake up early because I'm stressed and can't sleep. Sometimes.. you just need to take some breaks. Work really hard and get a lot of things done and then take a small breath. You can do it. Soon school will be out like I said earlier

Coconaur wrote:

What you are thinking what I meant by feeling dirty might be true Though, I'm not exactly sure what you meant, so I can't say if it was or not. Like I said up... ^there, I've only told a couple people, and I'm really not comfertable with it.

I had a friend say this line before about feeling that way and I was told what happened and it's just horrible that things like that happen. I'm glad you know it was not your fault. I can't imagine you ever being comfortable with it (it was wrong of them to do that. You didn't deserve it in the least! No one does). It's good that you were able to tell some people. I hope there was actually some justice. You're a strong person and can get through everything thats going on around you.

Coconaur wrote:

Moving might seem as if I'm trying to run away from something or whatever, but really, I just want to get settled. I've moved so many times that the people here probably wouldn't miss me much, and I wouldn't miss them all that much either. I just want to live with my aunt so I can get myself situated, get some hold on education and such like that. I might want to come back, but I don't know. I really just want to seperate myself and start new

I just thought I would mention the whole thing about people thinking everything will be solved when they move. Sometimes a change of scenery is refreshing. Maybe over the summer you could go over there and see how you like it? A kind of trial run before the next school year starts up?

Coconaur wrote:

Gasp Finally, I would never say anything like that! I'm not that shallow, lmao. My mom is very laidback anyways, and I rarely have complaints about her or my actual father... now if they weren't divorced! Actually, a lot of what you said does help. I was somewhat acting on a whim when I posted this, but still! Thanks!

I'm glad I was able to help some! And sorry about the really long message (and this long message). I just see a similarity in your problems with a friend of mine. I hope everything works out! Take a breath, relax, and slowly start making your way through your chores/homework/obligations/etc. Prioritize and do the assignments or tasks that are due first.

EmmeZoec · March 2011

i no this is a liittle off topic but tarnish? are you a mind reader? or just smart? or did she tell you?

tarnish · March 2011

I'm not a mind reader Emmezoe. As I said, I had a friend that went through something and used that phrase. It's a commonly used phrase used by people that had something like that happen to them.

Coconayr · March 2011

Ok, that's good

I'd tell people, but I'd run the risk of my mom finding out. She has so much stuff on her plate, I don't want to add to it

Besides, it's really weird with me. I'll get over it for a while, then in a couple days, weeks, months, even hours, it'll come back, and I'll be all depressed again. Being with all my animals helps though

That's the thing- my mom almost forced me to join 4H because I literally have no savings account. The 'rents spent it all when we moved here, now none of us wants to stay. But things do need to be more prioritized.. I do that all the time with the small breaks! It really does help

I give myself an hour or so everyday to relax on the computer, then off to do my chores... speaking of, I need to clean cages soon. I've been putting that off

Thank you

I'm happy you're not all giving me an overload of pity and such. People normally do, and it makes me feel even angrier. Was it your same friend? If so I feel horrible for her! Ahaha, my aunts house has been a second home to me ever since I was little. My whole summer every summer, is spent there, and that's why I'm so confident about going there. Don't worry about the long messages! I love responding to them

Actually, I feel bad right now, because I had to rush through mine! d:

Howdy, Stranger!

Ugh.

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