You can afford it..

Troglin · August 2010

I don't normally post in the vent section, but this has just irritated me for a few [years] now. There's actually two vents combined to one post, to save time and space. Number 1 -- You can afford it, you just choose not to spend it. My parents/family have not always been well off. We've been through some rough times and I remember when we weren't sure whether we'd still have a place to live. I remember one of these rough patches we had a rather large number of animals -- six or so cats, one litter of kittens, a dog, two guinea pigs, an iguana, and three or four hamsters. They were fed cheap food, but fed nevertheless. They never received veterinary care and most of the time they didn't need it. Now for almost six years, my father has been working at -company- , where he started out at $95k/year. Now $95k in California was okay, but somehow we had still struggled. It's up to ~$100k a year, not including the bonuses. Last year or the year before he received ~$140k when -company- bought them out, and paid a nice sum for the stocks. In July 09, my grandfather passed away and my mother inherited roughly half of his entire estate, so about $250-300k, with about $150k of that in a 401(k) investment stock. Since then, that 401(k) has risen to about $200k. Anyway -- point is, they've blown through the entire stock money as well as probably $85-95k of her inheritance on mostly nothing. The only things they have to show for it is a blue dodge truck ($30k) and 10 acres of land that isn't cleared ($32k down), as well as miscellaneous musical equipment my father just had to purchase for himself. "Company" is just to be on the safe side. It's not exactly a job that I can tell people about. I mean, the companies are known, but there's still a threat, especially right now. We live in Virginia at the moment and have for the last five years. The "middle class" people around us make an average of $60k a year, with the majority of people I know making between $20k and $40k as professionals. Going by averages, that means my father makes about $40k+ more per year than most of our neighbors. The only person who is "allowed" to spend money though is my father, because of his old-age views on women and their rights. So as such, he dips into his accounts when it suits him, or when he's found yet another thing he has to have. My mom is given an allowance every two weeks for grocery shopping -- if she wants to spend more then she has to use the inheritance. Their money, quite frankly, is sadly spent mostly on junk they'll never use as well as fast food. I remember at one point we were up to $100-200 a WEEK spent on fast food. Disgusting, if you ask me. Down to the point. About two weeks ago their cat, Jinxx, had a severe flea reaction again. She lost the fur on her hind end and began urinating everywhere [including on herself]. The first time this happened I told my mother she needed to go to the vet, but she never did because my mom said "maybe it'll go away". It did. This time I told her that she needs to go to a vet, and again, the same old "it'll go away like last time, it's just fleas". She bought a 4 pack of flea preventatives. Here's the thing, you can't just treat one cat for "fleas" when 1) there doesn't appear to be a flea problem and 2) we still have two other cats as well as two ferrets, who would remain untreated for this "flea" problem. This same cat has has issues with her skin for pretty much the last three years. She also has a very terrible fear of humans, shoes, sudden movement, other cats, and pretty much anything that goes on inside the house. We were feeding the low-end spectrum of the pet food -- Purina, Friskies, etc. Whatever was cheapest. We'd go through 4lbs of cat food a week on three cats. I eventually got my mother convinced to try a better food, not the best, but better. I was hoping that the food would help with the weight issues, skin issues, and frequent use of the litter box. After about a week or two on Blue Wilderness, even Jinxx became more playful and outgoing. Two of the cats lost weight, Asia just got fatter because of the enormous amounts she consumes. Either way, most of their issues cleared up, and seven or eight months later they're still doing okay. Now about five days ago, their cat Asia developed an enormous bubble in her left ear. It got so bad that the entire ear was swollen, and it was bloody from Asia's constant scratching. I told my mother she needed to go to the vet, and her only response was "I'll talk to dad." I pressed the issue some more every day, even though I ended up being cursed at and accused of "harassing her" on a "non-existent issue". Her excuse for Asia's ear was that it'd be fine, it's probably ear mites, and Penny [deceased cat] had a mutated ear so it's not that big of a problem. She opened a 3 year old container of ear mite stuff (which was leaking) and tossed a few drops in Asia's ear. She figured the vet would cost like $600 and "we can't afford it right now." The next day, Asia's ear was worse. That was a weekend though, so Asia had to suffer the weekend. Monday came and my mother made an appointment for our vet. It wasn't just ear mites. In fact, she didn't have any ear mites at all. Apparently Asia has chronic ear infections, which should have been apparent since all three cats have NEVER had their ears cleaned, and their ears are always irritated. Asia was apparently so overwhelmed with the irritation in her ears that her scratching burst a blood vessel, which led to the bubble. She had to have surgery and she stayed at the vets overnight. She was going to stay overnight again but her bleeding finally stopped around 4PM today. The bill? $301. My mom is distressed over the amount. It's half of what she was so sure it would be, and even then it's a small price to pay for the surgery + antibiotics and so forth. Heck, because the vet is our friend, they didn't charge for the overnight stay. My dad is furious that it cost so much because, again, "they can't afford it". I'm sorry that the $20k in his savings account is just such a stress on their finances, or that his paycheck more than covers our monthly bills. It's just such a hassle, you know, actually taking care of the animals. The sad part, for the animals, is that my parent's neglect doesn't end there. Their American Eskimo is turning 9 years old this year. She's spent all of it [minus the 8 weeks before we got her] living outside, like a yard ornament. She's so aggressive and undisciplined that she's even bit me numerous occasions. My dog lives outside with her, and has for the last two years. Our ferret cage is cleaned maybe once every four or five days, and they're never allowed to exercise out of the cage anymore. The hedgehog is lucky if his cage is cleaned once a month, and currently there's a nice 1/2 inch buildup of waste around his running wheel. Yum. The turtle has grown by a couple inches in the last year, yet is still living in a 20 gallon tank, which is cleaned out maybe once every three weeks. I do believe that only scratches at the surface of the neglect. I don't think that my mom really has the intent to do harm to her pets, but I think that they're just too much for her to handle. As a note, the only fully vaccinated, fully cared for animal in this entire house is my dog. If I didn't buy and give her the vaccinations myself, Einstein (the Eskimo) would only have the rabies shot. In our county, it is illegal for any cat or dog to not be vaccinated for rabies, and dogs must have all vaccinations. Einstein only receives heartworm preventatives because my mother used my dog's prescription to get her dog a years worth as well. I don't think Einstein has ever had a real heartworm check. A year ago I was driving when Einstein suddenly began yelping and pawing at her mouth, and when I pulled over one of her teeth fell out. Her poor teeth are all covered in plaque, her breath stinks, her skin is gross, etc. I'm the only one who cares for the dogs in terms of health care and grooming. [ As for why I don't clean the cages, I do. When I can find the time, I clean them. I deep clean them. I hate the odor. I bring the dogs in when I can, but it has become more of a risk than I can take right now. I work with the Eskimo on her aggression issues. I exercise them when I can get out there. So I try. ] <img src="http://i942.photobucket.com/albums/ad263/anabellemoone/asiaear.png"; alt="http://i942.photobucket.com/albums/ad263/anabellemoone/asiaear.png"; class="bb-image" /> - Asia with her bubble ear. <img src="http://i942.photobucket.com/albums/ad263/anabellemoone/asiabubble.png"; alt="http://i942.photobucket.com/albums/ad263/anabellemoone/asiabubble.png"; class="bb-image" /> - Asia after surgery. Number 2 -- I'm not a devil child. Don't act like you know me, and don't try to control me. First things first, I do realize that I have it easier than quite a few people. I have a place to live, food to eat, a car to drive, and they're paying for my college.. for now. I've made mistakes in my past and have been unreliable, irresponsible, and I used to be just downright stupid. When I was younger I received physical punishment for the most ridiculous things you could imagine -- making noise, for example. I learned to very much despise my father. When I was growing up, all I had was Arthur (my younger brother), as Dave (my older brother) didn't want anything to do with us. When Dave got older, he burned my parents by stealing money, failing to make payments on a car loan, dropping out of high school, spreading lies, and so on. After that, my parents refer to Dave as the "failure", though they never say it to him. After we moved to VA, Arthur and I were pretty much old enough that we didn't receive physical punishment anymore. I guess 12 & 13 is too old to hit. Sometimes though I think it came quite close, when my dad would get angry enough. His face would turn red, his jaw would clench, his hands made fists, and his voice would boom. I'm almost 19 and I still shiver when I hear his voice raise, or his feet pound on the ground. He's chased my mother up the stairs before, and made the mistake of chasing her and yelling at her in public after we moved here. I don't trust him. I don't think he'd ever hit her, and I don't think she'd hit him back if he did. I'm afraid that someday he'll maybe hit me or Arthur again, or even hit her in front of us, but unfortunately I don't know if I could stop myself from beating him should that happen. I don't think I could walk away, trembling like a child for fear of messing up. I think I would attack him until someone else pulled me off, honestly. His weapon of choice, since he knows we are capable of fighting back, is mental abuse. He loves to make "jokes", tell us we're bad kids, lie to us, and just overall mentally control and suffocate us. I couldn't even describe in words half the things he's done to us mentally. His current mental thing for me is to constantly remind me that I have no place to run, no money to live off of, and nobody who cares. Oh, and that he is the sole decider of whether I can stay here or not. Dave lives all the way in California, and in order to get there I would have to beg them for money. Not to mention the fact that Dave is dirt poor and can't even afford his own kids, lives in gang territory, and is married to woman whose family is gang-affiliated. [Not that I can't live around gangs, guns, or violence. I did it in the past, I survived, but I don't like that particular area of SoCal.] Anyway. My parents don't trust me, and I don't really trust them. Simple enough. It's the lack of trust from my dad, specifically, that angers me the most. I've never done illegal activities or hung out with the wrong people. I actually only kept to myself in school, until Arthur introduced me to his friend. I've been burned by teenagers and I didn't care much for trying again. At any rate, I've never broken the law. I made a promise to DARE to never do illegal things and I've never once thought of going against it. I got my life sorta straight, aiming for a smooth sail through college so I could get out of this hole. This semester I planned on going for a certificate in pharmacy to become a pharmacy technician. It'd only be two semesters and a short internship, and then I would be capable of making $10-12 an hour. [Still not enough to move out, but enough to save up for a while.] I then found out, despite the college saying the classes were open, that in fact it's actually wait-listed until probably next year. He then went on to suggest that I lied about the pharmacy technician courses being wait-listed, and again threatened to kick me out. As a back-up plan I'm going for an associates degree in administration of justice. I thought perhaps he'd be happy -- I'd be going for an actual degree. He said okay and then later told my mom that I'm "too fat to be a cop", "it's dangerous", and "it's not a job for me". He told her to tell me to pick something else. I politely told him that the only thing I want to do with my life is become a dog trainer or become a police officer. To him, dog trainers are people who bum off of others and they're just hobbyists. And, well, I could never be a police officer. I have 2 1/2 years to lose the weight before I could ever hope of being a cop, but then he told my mom that I lack self control. I'll never lose the weight, which he fails to understand was caused by a medical condition I have, not entirely my diet. {{ On a side note, sitting in my survey of criminal justice class, I finally felt I belonged. I felt like I found something that I could be. Something that actually interests me, and can hold my interest for hours. I told my mother this and she just said "Oh, that's nice." }} He was so serious about me not becoming a cop that he had his co-workers think of possible jobs for me. Dental assistant was one of them because he told them that I "like to hurt people". I don't like to hurt people, not really. Besides, I could never look inside someone's mouth, especially when the last time I did that I got spit on.

I did see something about our county offering adult continuing education. One set of classes stood out to me -- medical billing. In some parts of California you can make up to $40+ an hour. Out here I could make between $16 and $20 an hour. More than enough to move out. More than enough to live well for myself and my dog. I sent my registration + tuition in 3 days before they were to officially start accepting early applicants, since it would arrive in their mail two mornings before registration. I got a letter in on Saturday that told me that somehow the classes were full before they got to me. How? I don't know. Yet again, my dad accused me of lying. He threatened, again, to kick me out. I have a temporary pool job, but now he wants me to get a permanent job, as if I'm not looking. I asked some of the employers around here and for even the seasonal jobs, they're getting ~400-1,500 applicants. How can I compete with those? I have no references, virtually no experience, and so on. I have a few months retail experience, a flexible schedule, am certified in customer relations, but I'm no match for people with degrees or several years experience. I'm just not. I'll continue applying and trying, but just because I can't find a job doesn't mean I'm not trying. For the record, he won't "let me" drive anywhere to apply because I might do something he doesn't approve of -- like hang out with a friend. I have no social life, partially for fear of my family's comments and partially because I would have to gain approval to go places. My family literally torments me if I'm even caught talking to another person. One extremely creepy guy I know works at the store that's about a mile from us. I would never think of even being his friend, not after what he said to me. I had the misfortune of running across him with my mother and Arthur, and ever since I've been harassed about him.

I'd tell them the truth about this creep, but there's no point. I also never told them that I've been asked out before, simply to save myself from their terrible badgering. [Oh I can date, but should I ever decide to, I'll certainly be forced to listen to a vast amount of criticism and questions.] I just find it tiring that every time I try to make a vast improvement on my situation, get myself to a point where I can move out, something always has to pop up and prevent it. I'm looking now at Penn Foster to see if I can do the medical coding & billing there, but I don't know if VA recognizes that program. I could move out now, burn the bridge between me and half my family, and try to forget about it. I could move back to California, in with Dave, and work dead-end jobs the rest of my life. Or, I could suffer through this house for however long it takes, go through the mental missiles, and try to get myself to have a professional job. Work in a real field, with a real chance of not barely making it. When my brother asks me why I stay here, I don't tell him that I don't want to end up like him. Dave is a good guy and he's changed a lot since we've both gotten older. He still lies sometimes. He works his butt off, sometimes doing 20+ day stretches, working at a 7-11 for practically minimum wage. He tries to support his wife and two kids, with one more kid due November. I don't want to be that. "Making ends meet", "living paycheck to paycheck"; I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave this house, tell my parents off, and then in a couple months come crawling back begging for their help. When I leave, I want to be able to let the bridge burn if it must, and I never want to live under my father's rules again. My father has this idea that I'm going to be a bum, like my uncle. I'm going to wait for them to die so I can inherit their money and their property. I'm going to bounce around from place to place, never having a real job. I'm going to lie and cheat my whole life, take the easy way and make others pay for me. I'm not like that, and if he chose to actually listen to me he'd realize it. But, like all kings, or rather dictators, he knows what's up. He knows everything. He's superior to everyone else in his intellect and wealth. His mother told him so. His mother raised him like a prince. He has the IQ of a genius, yet he fails to understand the most simple of things. He latches onto the uneducated and biased lies of media networks, feeds his knowledge off of the "research" of others, instead of bothering to do it himself. I am everything he hates. I am a Pit Bull lover. I care about the welfare of animals. I am a dreamer. I am not attractive on any level. I am not a social person. Crime and the legal system interests me. I am a rebel. I think for myself, and I'm more than willing to argue my point. I can form my own opinions without his help, and quite often I can back them up. Dave is everything he hates. He too is a rebel. He too is a dreamer. He isn't a social person. He has a very strange sense of humor -- his jokes are not always appropriate or normal. He stands up for the rights of a certain "group" (very controversial, especially in California). He too can form a solid view and argue it well. Arthur, on the other hand, is half of what he likes. Arthur is into computers, programming, web design -- much like my father. Arthur is smart; very math, science, and computer oriented. He too would likely score genius on an IQ test. He is very technologically involved, knowing far more than he ought to. He's made thousands by the simple work he's done, and he has barely scraped the surface of programming and designing. He dresses professionally, even in casual wear. He's like my father's mini-me, with a few flaws. This has sparked my father's interest though, and he's willing to pay for Arthur to go onto a 4 year university of his choice. He's purchased Arthur a tuxedo and a suit, to increase Arthur's interest in becoming a programming professional. So while I'm expected to pay for everything I want, my mother gives into him. He has a PS3. He convinced her to get us Sprint service so he could have the Palm Pre. He got her to pay for a brand new Gateway laptop almost a year ago, at $500-600. Then this year he got her to spend another $1200 on two new Asus laptops. One for me, one for him. We "needed" them for school. I've used it maybe 6 times. I have his "hand-me down" HP laptop. I have my own computer. None of them purchased by her. I had to buy a new phone for Sprint because my old one stopped functioning. And so on. I'm not jealous anymore, I realized a while ago that this is how it's going to be. The baby of the family gets his way while the older two have to fend for themselves. I've tried his tactics -- the whining, moping, and the cold shoulder. The only thing it got me was being called a "jerk" (nice word for it). I'm just tired of it all. The way I've been treated; the name calling, the poking jokes at, the way they act like they know me, and so on. It's just frustrating to have to hide the real me. I can't be myself. I can't cry in front of them, because that's a sign of weakness. Instead I pretend to be defensive, aggressive, and cruel. I hide my emotions by replacing fear or sadness with anger. I've tried to relax and let them know me, but the "real me" would be too easily damaged by them. Everything, and I mean everything, I say or do gets spread around the entire family like wildfire. When I was diagnosed with my medical issue, I told my mom not to tell anyone. She immediately turned around and told my dad, her dad, her sister in law, her brother, her cousins, and so on. I have only told Dave and three friends [two online] about it, all of which took me some time and I still feel awkward talking to them about it. My mom just says it's no big deal, who cares. I do. I care. It's me. It's my body. I'm the one who has to not only deal with it, but I now I have to listen to family members [that I don't know] act like they know what I'm going through, or offer suggestions. I don't know, maybe I'm just self centered? Perhaps I overreact. Maybe I am the one at fault for everything. I could be. There's always the chance that I'm just not thankful enough for what I do have. Maybe for what I receive in return, this is a valid treatment. I don't know. I can say that this rant is fairly long, heh. So I'll leave it at that. >< If you want to respond to either of them, I'll read it. I'm not really looking for advice, though it's not going to hurt me any. I'm not expecting responses, I just really needed to do something. ^^ - Anastasia

ImportsandLines · August 2010

Woah, you have one tough ride.

Howdy, Stranger!

You can afford it..

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