How could you mess up your life that bad...

DarkyBreeding · July 2010

My mom just called me and informed me of some information (I'll make it PG) So, my little brother (KJ) and two sisters (Marissa) all have a different dad than me. So... Their dad is in jail and has been for nearly 6 months (for child support) well, while he was in jail, he was convicted of other stuff (not appropriate) so...the stuff he's been convicted for would put him in jail for 30 years...but our state has a 2 for 1 thing (serve half your sentence) and so that'd be 15 years...plus if the other people he snitched on get convicted, he'll serve another 10..if not..another 20. So, a minimum of 25 years in jail. Marissa is 15. KJ is 14. Caitlyn is 10. So his youngest child (that my mom has) will be 35 years old when he gets out. THIRTY-FIVE. (I believe his youngest child is 5 or 6 so he'll be 30 or 31) I just want to know...does it even matter to him that he'll miss out on everything that goes on in their lives? Everything. He won't get to see them graduate high school or even college, he won't get to see them get married (probably) and I'll put money on it that they'll have kids by then. They will be adults and won't even know their own father. But he doesn't care. He really doesn't. He won't get out for good behavior because of the charges he has against him but he may get out for work release to pay child support. Their dad is about 42ish...he'll be over 60 when he gets out. He's been in and out of jail his entire life. Yet, it doesn't phase him.He doesn't even care. I just want to know.. what possesses you not to want to be a part of your child's life? What? You won't see anything about them..by the time you get out, you'll have grandkids that won't even know you. Yet, he doesn't care. But what I think the worst part about this is: When my mom told Marissa, KJ and Caitlyn, it didn't even phase them. They didn't shed a single tear. Their dad isn't in their life anyway. But the fact that they didn't cry-they didn't say anything. And yet, I bet that doesn't even bug him. [/end rant] xEPICxFAILx420x

DarkyBreeding · July 2010

haha don't mind the Epic Fail thing at the end..I was making a note about something >.> that needs to be deleted but it won't let me edit my post.

lovefrompaige · July 2010

. . . I feel you. I know what its like to not have a father who wants you there. Though, my dad isn't in jail, even though he SHOULD be after what he did to my family. . . ((reason why I went MIA for a couple months)) It sucks to not have a father. I have to go to birthday parties and see the kids snuggling with their dads. . . I have to go to movies with my friends and see how the dads in the movies love their children. . . It just sucks. Its like I swallowed a big marsh mellow, and it won't go down. So much pain and frustration. . . It, well, sucks. The fact that it doesn't bother them. . . Well, I guess they've never known what its like to have a father. Poor things. I don't know which is worse. . . Having a father whom you think loves you with all his heart, only to have cheated, lied, stole, and wish you were death (screaming that at your face). . . or having never known your father. Him being in jail. Poor things *snatches them up and huggles them* Thats sad. . . Poor things. They're not a lone

*huggles*

DarkyBreeding · July 2010

Yeah I know. I mean, they're dad was married to my mom for about 9-10 years before they got divorced and it wasn't really a good situation at all. (another story) so I mean, even the memories of their father aren't good. I mean, my dad isn't around, but at least he isn't in jail..I can call him up and talk to him, they can't really do that with theirs. My dad at least calls on my birthday, even when their dad is out of jail, he never calls them. I feel bad for them >.>

lovefrompaige · July 2010

Thats horrible! Awwwww, poor things. . . Thats not right! Not right at all :evil:

RoyalRaccoon · July 2010

what possesses you not to want to be a part of your child's life? What? You won't see anything about them..by the time you get out, you'll have grandkids that won't even know you. Yet, he doesn't care.

Some people have less emotional ties to their children and families than others. Some studies have shown humans weren't necessarily made to be strictly tied to one person or family. Some have nurturing instincts, and others lack them. Supporting a family and a single spouse is mostly a social/cultural/religious thing, not something nature deemed we must always do. He probably lacks nurturing instincts, thus placing himself and his goals at the top of his priorities. Choosing to not care about your children is neither wrong nor right by nature in all cases, but is condemned by society. There is also a chance he's just making bad choices at the moment. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone can change. Who knows, in a few years he could be thinking about how stupid he was to do what he did.

When my mom told Marissa, KJ and Caitlyn, it didn't even phase them. They didn't shed a single tear. Their dad isn't in their life anyway. But the fact that they didn't cry-they didn't say anything.

They are young. There is a chance they don't understand yet, or that remaining quiet and normal is how they are coping. When my mother told my brother and I that my father had died, we laughed. Did we think it was funny? No, that was just the only way our young brains told us to react in order to make the situation bearable at the time. Everyone grieves differently. It's possible that having bad memories of him will help them later on when everything sinks in. It's a lot easier to let go of someone you hate, regardless of whether they are related to you, than it is to let go of someone you love. There is also a chance that what he does or says doesn't bother them. Maybe they love him unconditionally; I've met individuals like this. Regardless, I wouldn't try to talk to them too much about it. Just ask them if they are okay. Don't try to push their feelings in a direction that makes sense to you. For example, just because you'd be highly upset in such a situation, doesn't mean everyone would, so encouraging a person to act or feel that way, could cause worse problems. Family problems like this are best handled by a professional that knows what signs to look for, what advice to give, and how to tell if someone is healthily dealing with a situation.

Sea Oats · July 2010

I totally know how they feel, my dad is in jail for child support, too. I haven't talked to my father in over 2 years, and I'm only 17. He hasn't been much of a father since he left my mom in 1999, I was almost 7. I've never had that kind of father figure in my life, even when he lived at home he never spent time with the family and he was always out drinking, and his favorite thing was to play golf. He'd blow all our money on golf, and we eventually lost our house. He'd never call on birthdays or Christmas. He never wanted to spend time with us. He never paid my mom child support, so we've been to hell and back because when he up and left us, my mom was a stay at home mom. He even canceled my cellphone, which doesn't seem like a huge deal. But it was the only way I had left to talk to him, because we had to move so he wouldn't know where we lived, because it had gotten to where he was showing up at our house at all hours of the night for no reason other than to scare us. So after he took that away, enough had happened to the point that I didn't want to talk to him, and he doesn't have my new number. I used to stand up for my dad, but there's just nothing good to say about him, and there's so much that has happened in my short life that has made me realize at this point that I am better off without him. It has taken me forever to get there, but I know now that he's not worth the tears and the loss of sleep. He doesn't sit at home and worry about me or what I'm doing or how I'm doing or even if I have a roof over my head and food to eat, so why should I sit and be upset about him? The sad part? It's not me that's missing out. Sure, sometimes I wish I had a dad to be there like everyone else has. But, it's most sad for him, because he doesn't know what he's missing out on. What beautiful people my sister, the only sibling I have left, and I are becoming. He won't even be invited to my high school graduation in 9 short months, he won't be invited to my wedding, he will never meet his grandchildren, and I probably won't be attending his lonely funeral. But you know what? That's his loss. I'm living my life just like I should, and it's not my fault he's missing it. Eventually children stop blaming themselves for their parents' mistakes and realize it's just not worth it, because they won't change, and if they do, it will probably be too late. I know eventually I will forgive my father for everything he's put myself and my family through, but I will never have a relationship with him, and I will never call him 'dad' and he will never hear me say that I love him again, and I don't think that's wrong of me.

DarkyBreeding · July 2010

Prince Sushi- The news didn't phase them because: 1. Their father abused them (physically and emotionally) when they were younger 2. He's in and out of jail. 3. He's never been much of a father. It's kind of like this... Their father is like...something you had but never really had to begin with so you can't miss it... Like...a cookie. You have it, you cherish it while you have it, but when it's gone-you knew what to expect so you don't miss it. And as for humans not being emotionally attached: This man has 13 kids. THIRTEEN. Emotionally attached. It's called owning up to your responsibility. I didn't post this to have excuses made for him. My sister Marissa, she cleans to any guy who looks at her because she never had a father figure to lean on. My little brother KJ, he's terrified of his father. When he sees him, he bursts into tears because Kenny(their dad) abused him like crazy when he was younger (choking, punching, etc) My sister Caitlyn, she still doesn't shut the bathroom door all the way because Kenny locked her in a closet for 5 hours. Whether or not humans are emotionally attached, he has a responsibility. He has thirteen kids. How many kids does he see? ZERO. I don't want to hear it's because "we're humans-we don't get emotionally attached" He chose to partake in the act of having kids, he needs to grow up. And he knew what he was doing was bad. IT'S OBVIOUS. Everyone knows it. And it's not like he makes one mistake, he keeps repeatedly doing the same stuff over and over.

RoyalRaccoon · July 2010

You're twisting things, because you're obviously upset. I didn't say he shouldn't support his family, I merely answered your question with a few possibilities as to why he doesn't feel attached to them. To me, whether you feel attached to them or not, you still have to at least provide for them by law. Obviously he's not, and that's what landed him in jail. Responsibility and emotional attachment are 2 different things.

Sea Oats · July 2010

PrinceSushi wrote:

You're twisting things, because you're obviously upset. I didn't say he shouldn't support his family, I merely answered your question with a few possibilities as to why he doesn't feel attached to them. To me, whether you feel attached to them or not, you still have to at least provide for them by law. Obviously he's not, and that's what landed him in jail. Responsibility and emotional attachment are 2 different things.

Also, like I said, there's a point where children realize it's not worth it. From experience, everyone eventually realizes it in this situation.

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How could you mess up your life that bad...

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