Is it wrong...

CallyKats Dachshunds · May 2010

To hate my family? Because I'm pretty sure I do. I hate my brother. I hate my mother. I hate my one aunt. I don't quite hate my dad, but at the moment I'm pretty damn pissed off at him, and he doesn't even live with me. So, reasons for each? Sure. I hate my brother because: -he's a spoiled brat -all he does is hog the PS3 that was both of our christmas presents last year -he accuses me of things that are ridiculous -he gets violent after a point. he throws things (my knee is cut now from what just happened earlier), he cusses (neither of us are allowed to cuss), he pushes, he hits, etc etc. I mean, if I really made an effort, I would hurt him before he actually hurt me, but if I did go at him for something, it wouldn't just be one hit and done..it'd go on until someone dragged me off, and my mother isn't able to do that. Today he thought that he'd tell me these things, to purposely get me more pissed off than I already was: -I always have to get my way -I always yell to get my way -I'm a spoiled brat because I always get my way -I'm always pissed because my mum and/or dad haven't bought me a horse -I'm pissed because no one ever just hands me $50 to just blow on whatever I want And then he threw the controller for the PS3 at me, which cut my knee, and I will have a rather large bruise in a few days now, since I told him to shut up and raised my voice because he was purposely pissing me off. My mother? Yeah. She's the reason I have: -Anger issues -Depression -Short temper -Why I raise my voice Always. I can't even have a discussion with her about anything, even freakin' apples, without her hollerin' at me about something I said wrong, or how I gave her a wrong look. She seems to think that I'll respect her if she can yell louder than me. I have ruined my throat more than once because I refuse to be hollered at for something I didn't do. Like thursday for example: I went to the barn since I was going to practice riding Dude again (I've gone all week to ride and help around the barn/property), she came to pick me up, but she had to wait a few minutes because I had to finish feeding the horses down at the bottom and run up to tell Erin to make sure she fed Skippy a full scoop of senior, because she came before I fed them. I went out to the car and she asked me who the people with the truck were that came down leading two horses. I thought about it, and figured it was Comet and Jovie's owners, since they're the only ones who take their horses to and from the barn..So I answered her question. But I started talking about how it couldn't have been Erin adn her mum, because they had came before she did. Apparently that was accusing her of thinking it was Erin; she completely went off on me. About how I was grounded now, I wasn't gonig to the barn tomorrow (which would have been yesterday, I did go, btw. >.o ), etc etc. I was like listen, I didn't accuse you of anything-so you need to calm down and relax. You don't want to be accused of anything, but you constantly accuse me of crap that I didn't do. Like really, you think I'm going to respect you when all you do is ever ruin my decent moods? Like what? No. I will not respect you when you give me none. Just because you're older than me and you're my parent does not mean I am your slave that has no opinion or say in her life. Right now I'm pretty pissed at my dad.. He finally turned his phone on (at 5 after 10.00) when he was suppose to call me before 10 (still hasn't called and it's 10.22) and let me know what was going on for today and the rest of the weekend, since it's memorial day weekend. ya know? He was also suppose to take me to the horse show today over in Hookstown, so that I could watch Drew, Shayan, and the rest of them, and so I'd know what to expect to an extent when I went to my first show actually riding. The show started at 09.00, I understand that I don't need to be there first thing, since I'm not riding, but it's the fact that he told me he'd call before 10, even though he was/wanted to sleep in since it was his first day off work this week. I understand that, but don't tell me you'll call and not call, and have your phone off so I can't call you. I don't know though..I don't think I can keep living with my mum, because it's not healthy. I'm constantly stressed, fighting with her or my brother, gettin' hollered at, etc etc. And it's really not healthy. I don't ever get to go do things with my friends. I only have a few friends, and I haven't hung out with Chelsey since stage crew ended (a few months ago), I haven't hung out with Cassie since stage crew ended, I've barely hung out with Jesse, I did once at the beginning of the month. The only thing I've gotten to do is go to the barn with Drew and to ride. I love Drew, he's my absolute best friend, and I love going to the barn to hangout with him, even if we're just cleaning and feeding, but I'd like to be able to hangout with my other friends too. My brother is 13, I'm going to have to watch him and stay at home all summer, because my mum should be getting a job soon, because her unemployment is running out. And I will not be able to do absolutly anything this summer that's off of my property (very small) or with any friends, because I'm not even allowed to have them in my yard. I told my mum I'd walk to the barn since I couldn't get a ride. Nope, I'm not allowed to walk, because my brother needs to be watched, even though he's 13 and ought to be able to take care of his own damn self. I acn't go live with my dad. He's living with his girlfriend (of 9 years) and doesn't have an actual room in the house for me. He doesn't want me in the neighborhood he's in because there's a decent amount of violence, shootings, etc etc-and he doesn't want me in that. I understand that-but I can't live like this anymore. It's not healthy, at all. I'd rather live in a town where I have to be careful than where I can't even go outside with it being just as safe as any other decent town. My mother constantly goes on about how our town is so much better compared to the other ones around us, but then goes back and says I can't go hangout because she doesn't want me shot, kidnapped, etc etc. How can you even live when you can't go anywhere? I can't even get a job downtown until someone buys me a car, gets me insurance and someone finally takes me for my damn drivers permit. I can walk downtown, but oh no, heaven forbid I do that, because it's not safe. Nothing is safe for God's sake! Nothing. All you can ever do is take precautions and be as careful as possible, that's it. You can't be sheltered your whole life and expect to be able to go out and live on your own when you haven't even done anything close to it.. It's not even possible to be able to be successful when you've never been allowed to experience anything. My mum always hollers at my dad when he goes to take us out to eat wings when he takes us for the weekend, because there's a bar in the next room, seperated from the dining part by a wall. I don't see what's wrong with that? Am I blind, or am I just stupid? I don't get it. I don't know what to do anymore. And that's the point, what am I suppose to do when I can't even live a semi-normal life because of my family? *sighs* Well..now that I've wasted an hour or so typing this and sitting in the computer chair crying (which rarely, if ever, happens)..If you read it all, then you can have cookies and mcdonald's sweet tea. And well, you know. I may just be a spoiled child, but I'm not sure. I just don't know what to do anymore, if anything. I know I'm going to just lose it one of these days if this keeps up all the time, but I really don't want to.. Well..ya know. ;-; I'm going to just stop typing now..because I'm going on and on, and I really don't want to anymore..and I'm sure none of you want to keep reading, and reading, and reading, and reading this.

And...I don't think this violates any of the rules...but if it somehow does, I apologize. >.<;;

Erra · May 2010

Well, I don't want sweet tea, but I am really sorry about all that stuff. (I was born in the South. My aversion to sweet tea is unnatural, and yet it persists.) Just try to remember that you can't change other people. If you are worried about who gets the PS3 when, start keeping track of how many hours you and he spend on it, respectively. Write it down, and at the end of the week add it all up and show it to your mother. When she yells, just try your best to let it roll off of you. People will yell at you about things that aren't your fault throughout your life, consider this practice for letting people wear themselves out later. Yelling back is only feeding the situation. Try to think about it from a few steps back. I have learned over the course of my life that my first reaction is usually the one that will cause me more grief, and the question becomes whether I would rather spend my time standing on principle or moving on and investing it differently. At any rate, I hope you have success and I hope you figure out methods to reduce your stress level. Art helps!

Garnet · May 2010

@ Vamp: I know what's its like to be called a spoiled brat. My brothers call me that when they are mad at me about something. Just try to ignore your brother and don't let him bother you. H's most likely trying to get a reaction out of you and by being upset over it, it's just fueling his need to annoy you. My mother and I fight constantly, she yells at me over the smallest things. If I even look at her in a way that she thinks is pertraying an attitude, she screams at me. Usually I lose my temper and will yell back at her and we get into these huge fights where we scream at each other and she usualy starts slamming doors and throwing things. Once, she threw a remote at me (she missed and appologized later that week). Our fights have gotten so bad that I tell her I'm going to move out and that she should be happy that I wouldn't be in her life anymore. There was one time that she made me cry so hard that I actually puked.. (gross I know Dx) My dad told me to just start shutting up and let her yell; that my yelling back just made it worse. He was right. It's hard as hell to keep myself from yelling at her when she starts yelling at me, but I bite my lip and hold it all in then go to my room and listen to music to calm down. We fight less now that I've stopped yelling back andw e can actually have conversations without fighting. (sorry that's so long xD) @ Xaetian: I agree, I don't have a taste for sweet tea either and I was born and raised in the South lol

CallyKats Dachshunds · May 2010

Thanks Xae and Garnet.

I mean..I try not to yell, but my anger issues are horrible now. Her always hollerin' at me about stuff ontop of certain things I was called that bothered me in school when I was younger, etc etc made it so bad. And everytime I cried when I was over the age of 5, she told me I was ridiculous for it. That there was no reason to cry, adn that if you cried, especially in front of someone, then you were weak (for lack of a better word). Garnet, that's just about exactly how it is with my mum...except she threatens to hit me (I mean, it's not the fact that it's suppose to hurt me, it's the fact that she threatens it). She raised her hand to slap me across the face one time when my dad was there to pick us up and my dad completely flipped on her beyond all belief. I was just standing there like. o.o;; And then she gave me looks that showed how she wanted to kill me (metaphoricly) the whole week after we got back. I really don't see how they're so damn hypocritical though!

It's like..no. ;-;

Garnet · May 2010

Yea.. I've been slapped a few times by my mom.. Not a fun thing to have happen. I usually just walk away from her when she slaps me though. I have a very bad temper when i lose it and losing my temper with my parents would be the worst mistake ive ever made xD

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