Truth is..

DeathWish · April 2010

Truth is, I've decided I dont like friends. Actually I decided this along time ago. I just refused to admit it to myself. So it's nothing new. All friends do is hurt you. Fact. You have an emotional tie with them of some sort. A stranger could walk up to you out of the blue, slap you are across the face and call you every name under the sun. Yeah there's the immediate shock. You are offended and hurt. But you get over is fairly quickly. Imagine your best friend did that? You experience the same things at first. But you also experience something more. Your heart rips in two. Broken hearted, boohoo. Lets not go down the lovey dovey couple splitting up drama. But the feeling you feel. It's pretty much the damn same thing. Its the feeling of all trust be severed. All connections going dead. Everything from that emotional tie just shatters in a billion tiny parts. You can try to put them back together. But it take a damn long time. And even if you do manage it. You'll never get them all back into the correct place. Everything is disfigured slightly, never will you be back to the shape you were before you fell. I hate friends because they use me. Yeah, I'm a pushover. That doesn't help my case. I do everything i can to please you. I agree with you. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go. Is it too much to ask that you agree with me for once? That we go where I want to go? That we do what I want to do? That you pay for my stuff rather than me paying for every damn thing you want? Does that make me selfish? That I want to feel my thoughts, opinions and interests are important to you. I do everything for you while you do nothing for me. Is that friendship? Truth is, I don't want friends. Sure it starts off fun, spending soo much time together. But slowly, they start to forget me. Slowly, like a memory, I fade from their minds, only reappearing if they need something from me. All i want is that you make time for me. Even just a little. Just to show you still care. To show that im not the least important thing in you life. But wanting that makes me selfish. It's too much to ask. Truth is, to every friend I have not yet made. The same while happen. You dont know me yet, but you will hurt me. I'll slowly go from an important friend to the least important thing in your life. When you live that over repeatedly, you would think you'd become numb to the pain. Truth is you dont. It hurts more than the first time. Simply because you knew it was going to happen, because you couldnt do anything to stop it. Recently I have distanced myself from all my friends. Very few have noticed. And those who did made minimal attempts at closing the gap between us. Perhaps I'm better off without you.

Goldy · April 2010

:[ I really appreciate that you drew brandy for me, that was forever ago.

reina__ · April 2010

"Friends" don't hurt you. People who like you for how you pleasure them do.

DeathWish · April 2010

Paranoid Thoughts wrote:

:[ I really appreciate that you drew brandy for me, that was forever ago.

o.o I did?

MustangBoy615 · April 2010

I agree with Reina. True friends won't do that. I have some of the best friends in the world, but I've also went through friends completely stop talking to me. I've even had "friends" go tell people I've said stuff, turning almost my whole school against me. If you find the right people, you won't experience this. Trust me.

DeathWish · April 2010

-Mustang- wrote:

I agree with Reina. True friends won't do that. I have some of the best friends in the world, but I've also went through friends completely stop talking to me. I've even had "friends" go tell people I've said stuff, turning almost my whole school against me. If you find the right people, you won't experience this. Trust me.

I well I seem to be one who can't even keep one friend. The problem probably lies with me. But when my 'best friend' ignores me for weeks, and then has at go at me for for apparently ignoring her, i'm obviously going to get pissed off -.- I mean, how can she even say I was ignoring her when I texted her everyday, each tiem getting no reply. I'd call her ever day and she wouldn't pick up. She's appear online on msn, give me a one word reply and then say 'brb' making me think she has been away from the PC for over 3 hours while during that time she has been, updating her status every 5mins and having conversation with other people on [Edited: Not a child friendly site, please review the rules]. Still she has the cheek to say I was ignoring her the whole time? And what pisses me off more. When we go back to school next week she will try to act like everything is fine during class. And im like wtf? Two faced or what. I know i'm probably over reacting but, im seriously pissed off with her right now and I have tried keeping my cool about it for the last 2months.

DeathWish · April 2010

ellary wrote:

-Mustang- wrote:

I agree with Reina. True friends won't do that. I have some of the best friends in the world, but I've also went through friends completely stop talking to me. I've even had "friends" go tell people I've said stuff, turning almost my whole school against me. If you find the right people, you won't experience this. Trust me.

 I well I seem to be one who can't even keep one friend. The problem probably lies with me. But when my 'best friend' ignores me for weeks, and then has at go at me for for apparently ignoring her, i'm obviously going to get pissed off -.- I mean, how can she even say I was ignoring her when I texted her everyday, each tiem getting no reply. I'd call her ever day and she wouldn't pick up. She's appear online on msn, give me a one word reply and then say 'brb' making me think she has been away from the PC for over 3 hours while during that time she has been, updating her status every 5mins and having conversation with other people on [Edited: Not a child friendly site, please review the rules]. Still she has the cheek to say I was ignoring her the whole time? And what pisses me off more. When we go back to school next week she will try to act like everything is fine during class. Then during lunch its back to ignoring me. And im like wtf? Two faced or what. I know i'm probably over reacting but, im seriously pissed off with her right now and I have tried keeping my cool about it for the last 2months.

Faeriegirl83 · April 2010

ellary wrote:

 I well I seem to be one who can't even keep one friend. The problem probably lies with me. But when my 'best friend' ignores me for weeks, and then has at go at me for for apparently ignoring her, i'm obviously going to get pissed off -.- I mean, how can she even say I was ignoring her when I texted her everyday, each tiem getting no reply. I'd call her ever day and she wouldn't pick up. She's appear online on msn, give me a one word reply and then say 'brb' making me think she has been away from the PC for over 3 hours while during that time she has been, updating her status every 5mins and having conversation with other people on [Edited: Not a child friendly site, please review the rules]. Still she has the cheek to say I was ignoring her the whole time? And what pisses me off more. When we go back to school next week she will try to act like everything is fine during class. And im like wtf? Two faced or what. I know i'm probably over reacting but, im seriously pissed off with her right now and I have tried keeping my cool about it for the last 2months.

Okay, now listen to me. Really, actually listen. That is not a friend. Friends don't hurt each other. They just don't. I went through a stage where I thought I had the best friends in the world. After a time, though, somewhere inside of me I realized it was a one-sided deal. They'd be amazing, we'd do friend things. But I was never be one they would call first if they were upset. They'd hurt me without realizing it. And finally, they began to hurt me even though they did realize it. There was a period of time were I thought I had no true friends. I had many people that liked spending time with me, hanging out a little, chatting, but none who I would trust my life to. But then, I found one. After years being closer to her than anyone else, I realize how wrong my understanding of the term 'friends' was before. I began to see that my previous 'best friend', even from the beginning, didn't have what it took to last forever. She ignores me now. But you know what? I don't care. I thought it wouldn't happen, but I've found people I honestly love. Tips for you. Confront her about it now, but don't try to rekindle a friendship. You can't zap the dead back to life. Instead, tell her what you think has gone wrong, see what she says. Her response will probably prove her value to you as a friend. If it isn't what a true friend would say, you know she isn't one. But its alright, it may be lonely for now, but you will always find someone else, I promise. And you have your VP friends. You can just PM me whenever. =3

DeathWish · April 2010

Tina Wolf wrote:

ellary wrote:

 I well I seem to be one who can't even keep one friend. The problem probably lies with me. But when my 'best friend' ignores me for weeks, and then has at go at me for for apparently ignoring her, i'm obviously going to get pissed off -.- I mean, how can she even say I was ignoring her when I texted her everyday, each tiem getting no reply. I'd call her ever day and she wouldn't pick up. She's appear online on msn, give me a one word reply and then say 'brb' making me think she has been away from the PC for over 3 hours while during that time she has been, updating her status every 5mins and having conversation with other people on [Edited: Not a child friendly site, please review the rules]. Still she has the cheek to say I was ignoring her the whole time? And what pisses me off more. When we go back to school next week she will try to act like everything is fine during class. And im like wtf? Two faced or what. I know i'm probably over reacting but, im seriously pissed off with her right now and I have tried keeping my cool about it for the last 2months.

 Okay, now listen to me. Really, actually listen. That is not a friend. Friends don't hurt each other. They just don't. I went through a stage where I thought I had the best friends in the world. After a time, though, somewhere inside of me I realized it was a one-sided deal. They'd be amazing, we'd do friend things. But I was never be one they would call first if they were upset. They'd hurt me without realizing it. And finally, they began to hurt me even though they did realize it. There was a period of time were I thought I had no true friends. I had many people that liked spending time with me, hanging out a little, chatting, but none who I would trust my life to. But then, I found one. After years being closer to her than anyone else, I realize how wrong my understanding of the term 'friends' was before. I began to see that my previous 'best friend', even from the beginning, didn't have what it took to last forever. She ignores me now. But you know what? I don't care. I thought it wouldn't happen, but I've found people I honestly love. Tips for you. Confront her about it now, but don't try to rekindle a friendship. You can't zap the dead back to life. Instead, tell her what you think has gone wrong, see what she says. Her response will probably prove her value to you as a friend. If it isn't what a true friend would say, you know she isn't one. But its alright, it may be lonely for now, but you will always find someone else, I promise. And you have your VP friends. You can just PM me whenever. =3

Well according to the stuff she is not posting on [Edited: Not a child friendly site, please review the rules], I'm pretty sure we are no longer friends. Just a few examples. [Friend name] became a fan of I'm not mad at you; I just realized you no longer deserve my friendship. [Friend name] became a fan of one day your name just didn't make me smile anymore. [Friend name] became a fan of I dont hate you, I just hate what you did. [Friend name] became a fan of that person that just PISSES YOU OFF with everything they do or say. [Friend name] became a fan of Stop calling me Best Friend!!! IM NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!! [Friend name] became a fan of I'm done trying. If you want me in your life, let me know. Bye. A status update: I didnt mean for it to be this way . I'm just afraid of being hurt again . I don't mean to be a failure nor did I give up . I dont hate you for what happened , I understand . It's how you left me there wordless , after all i thought we were . I wish I could be different . I'm sorry my heart wont put it away . I'm scared to get so close again .Afraid I'll be let down. Ok, perhaps it look like i'm reading far to much into these? But I have been hounding her the last few weeks wait for some sort of explanation and all of a sudden all of the above appears -_- i'm pretty damn sure its about me. She wont reply to me via text IM or call, so im sending her an email telling her that I'm done. In terms of the status. I left her wordless after she asked what was up and if she could do anything. Yes, stuff was up. My cousin had been missing for 7weeks and turned up out of the blue on my door with no explanation. That only had fired up a hell of a lot of emotions, relief, joy, confusion, anger, worry. On top of that after three days of her being back I was told to give her my bed, and my clothes and practically my whole room. Where was I to sleep? The living room floor. So that just made me more pissed off on top of the first emotions i was feeling. Then my cousin was causing argument between my family. She was tearing us apart. That is upsetting me even more. Then we get to the point where my cousin is threatening me first with words, eventually with knifes while I was in the house alone with her. Now add shock and terror to the mix on emotions all ready present. The she went to the point of trying to strangle me in-front of other family members. When you have this all happen within weeks, how the hell do you explain it to someone without breaking down, not to mention she asked at lunch where there are hundreds of students around and teachers too? I'm sorry that me remaining silent hurt her so much to the point where she doesn't want to be friends with me any more. But I can guarantee that explaining the situation to someone hurts a hell of a lot more. Sorry for the rant -.- and if some of it make no sense. I'm too pissed of to re-read it >_>

Erra · April 2010

Love doesn't go away, it only changes. I think that your only real option is to be honest with her and drag it out into the open. I warn you - people hate honesty, from what I've observed. However, you two were really very good friends for a very long time, and if anything else, to try and end it with clarity and grace is the best anyone can hope for if a reconciliation is truly out of reach. Perhaps it will only take time, ell

Erra · April 2010

And, yes, an opening is the origin of disaster. But without that opening, with experiencing life, then I feel that you are doing yourself a disservice by misappropriating the time you have to live.

DeathWish · April 2010

I managed to get a hold of her. I had to been mean a basically force everything out of her -_- But hey, we made progress, and she agrees, she doesn't want to throw everything away without trying again. If things don't work out this time, we can both walk away and say 'At least we tried to make things work' Rather than just give up.

Erra · April 2010

ellary wrote:

I managed to get a hold of her. I had to been mean a basically force everything out of her -_- But hey, we made progress, and she agrees, she doesn't want to throw everything away without trying again. If things don't work out this time, we can both walk away and say 'At least we tried to make things work' Rather than just give up.

Great! And hey, doing something will always make it easier to sleep at night

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Truth is..

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