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Alone & Afraid.

EpikLoveEpikLove
edited January 2010 in Artist Alley
<span style="font-size:92">Alone & Afraid, a poem by Bluey.<br>Things in life are pretty hard right now, so I just thought writing would ease the burden a bit.<br>Critique and comment is welcome, don't care how harsh critique is.<br><span style="font-weight:bold">Note:</span> If you notice repitition, it's a really bad writing habit of mine that I'm trying to fix.<br><br>Now here's the poem:<br><br>When I’m alone and afraid,<br>A prisoner of my own,<br>What can I do,<br>But cry?<br><br>When I’m abused and beat,<br>Viciously torn up,<br>What can I do, <br>But beg for help?<br><br>When my heart is broken,<br>And my soul shredded,<br>What can I do,<br>But scream in agony?<br><br>When my mind cages itself,<br>And becomes a prisoner of depression,<br>What can I do,<br>But lose the will to live?<br><br>When the world<br>Turns their head away,<br>What can I do,<br>But ask for a friend?<br><br>When you’re alone and worried,<br>Ruined and damaged,<br>Broken and shattered,<br>What can you do,<br>But wish you had a life worth living?<br></span>
bluehh.

Comments

  • EpikLoveEpikLove
    67.49.97.61
    :arrow:
    bluehh.
  • NickelbackLuverNickelbackLuver
    174.59.253.122
    BlueIsis wrote:
    <span style="font-size:92"><br><span style="font-weight:bold">Note:</span> If you notice repitition, it's a really bad writing habit of mine that I'm trying to fix.<br><br></span>
    <br><br>Repetition is a very nice thing when used properly, especially in poetry :P <br><br><br>Repeating the lines "What can I do," gave the poem a nice rhythm, kind of the stitching between everything else in the way it related the whole poem together.<br><br>I think it was very nice. Nice use of punctuation (and capitals, yay!) xD I dont get when people make their entire poem lower case...<br><br>The last Stanza, I must ask... was it purposefully changed from first to second person perspective?<br><br>I hope life gets better for you <3
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • EpikLoveEpikLove
    67.49.97.61
    Nickelback__Luver wrote:
    BlueIsis wrote:
    <span style="font-size:92"><br><span style="font-weight:bold">Note:</span> If you notice repitition, it's a really bad writing habit of mine that I'm trying to fix.<br><br></span>
    <br><br>Repetition is a very nice thing when used properly, especially in poetry :P <br><br><br>Repeating the lines "What can I do," gave the poem a nice rhythm, kind of the stitching between everything else in the way it related the whole poem together.<br><br>I think it was very nice. Nice use of punctuation (and capitals, yay!) xD I dont get when people make their entire poem lower case...<br><br>The last Stanza, I must ask... was it purposefully changed from first to second person perspective?<br><br>I hope life gets better for you <3
    <br><span style="font-size:92">Alright ^^<br>&& thanks, Nickel! :D<br><br>Yes, actually, it was. (:<br><br>&& thanks. (:</span>
    bluehh.
  • EpikLoveEpikLove
    67.49.97.61
    :arrow:
    bluehh.
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