I just.. Need to understand.

UnknownDreamland · August 2009

There are so many things on my mind right now. First off, and probably the main reason for me actually writing this is that I have AWFUL sleep issues. I haven't slept a whole night through for.. well.. I can't remember the last time I did. Sure, sometimes I get really lucky and not counting the wake-ups I get 9-10 hours. But I'm still exhausted when I wake up. If you don't know, waking up in the middle of the night is exhausting, however brief it may be. You may not realize this. I don't know. But I've had this for years. I remember going to the doctor when I was seven because I couldn't sleep and at SEVEN I was given medication to take. Last night I woke up, not once, not twice, not even three times. But NINE times. I'm so sick of it! Why me? WHY? Even if I'd had a dead exhausting day of velocity and stamina training with soccer(before I had to stop because of asthma..) I would toss and turn, wake up numerous times. It's just.. awful. A few months ago I was able to catch up on some sleep. I slept nearly seventeen hours(after waking up from attempt number two to sleep). That's not right. At all. I wasn't sick, nothing. I was just tired. And it was great when I woke up. I was a little drowsy, of course. But after I started walking around and such.. It was like waking up should be! Pumped to start the day. I am completely gracious to the starts of days like that. I've had spare few in the last nearly eight years. I just don't understand why. Another thing I don't understand is why.. Well.. Some new players have joined since this happened, but I lost my dog, my best friend almost two years ago now. And I still cry myself to sleep every night. Is it still supposed to be like that? He's my first loss. My first heart break. And it was my fault. But is it? I would have thought.. You know. I could love another dog like I loved him again by now. And I am SCARED for the time Bella needs to leave me too and I'll feel regret for not loving her more. I am scared of regret. It's an awful thing to feel. I.. Words can't describe it. Auzzy's still in my heart. But it's not enough. I want him here, with me, fighting with me, and encouraging me every step of the way. Life without him is awful. I think I got a few decent night's sleep with him. He taught me new habits. I was going to sleep sooner because he was going to wake me early. I was exercising, I was sleeping better. Still never a full night's sleep. But I was.. content. I miss you Auzzy, buddy. And I'm sorry.

Sea Oats · August 2009

Creamy, I'm so sorry. ]: I know how the sleep thing feels, it's awful. I'm the same way and have been for about 8 years. I go to bed early and get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, but they aren't consecutive and it makes you feel horrible all the time. And a loss definitely doesn't help. I lost my big brother 2 years ago this New Years, and since then it's been less and less sleep. And it's natural to cry, crying is good. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. It's something that's really hurt you and crying is all you know to do because it's the only outlet you have. You can talk to me any time about anything if you want, I don't mind. \:

butterthor · August 2009

Yah, I feel your pain. I usually can't get more than 6 hours of sleep during school and not much more on breaks. It sucks. I have really bad insomnia, for me it is more of accually falling asleep than waking up a ton, but I do have trouble staying asleep. Yah, this has been going on for a long time. The doctor couldn't do anything, so I still go on tired every day. I don't know what to do. Maybe sertain people just have genetics that cause this, idk. And I am sorry about your dog, but it seems like it has been so long since he died. I am not sure that that is entirerly right. My old black lab died about a year and a half ago. I am not really a cryer, so I don't know whats normal, but I only cry directly about it once every one or two months. And yes, I have a really old golden ret. that I cry about already, she is about 16, and I am worried. But life goes on, everything is for the best. Sometimes bad things happen, but eventually you have to relize everything is okay. I'm sorry, I know what you are talking about.

Tattoo · August 2009

Journey died in January. Even now, i'll be driving and just hear a song on the radio or think about him and i'll just start crying. I love River. And she adores me and trusts me above everything else. You can see that in the way she looks at me and acts. She'll do stuff for me that she refuses to for other people. Journey was like that, but he LIVED for me. He would only eat for me at the end, and only whickered when he saw me. Do you know what its like to be the sole reason that the one person you love above all else is alive? I'm pretty sure you do, actually. I love River. She loves me. But everytime we're together I think 'this should be Journey'. He had me. In every way possible. He stole my heart and pieces of it are still missing. So i get what you're feeling. if you need to talk, message me

woodpecker · August 2009

My cat died three years ago this december.. he was my first and only pet, and the first living thing close to me that passed on.. what made it worse was that he was so young.. 5.. im a cryer, yet i didnt really cry after the first month or so.. its weird, i still cry now, occasionally, and think about what happened.. but i dont want to. There is always a few pets in someones life, that shine, stand out and the bond is different. You know how much now, what that time meant to you, and wish for it back.. but now, with your current pets, make the most of time. Then you shouldnt regret the past in the future. Make a difference now.. it will help. Oh and Dreamy, have you tried -really- strong sleeping pills?

UnknownDreamland · August 2009

I've never been a real crier. But like Vi said. Put lack of sleep and a loss together.. Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it. I do. I can't put it into words how wonderful it is to know that other people are out there with the same thing. And thank you so much for offering to talk with me if I need it. I'm there for you all as well if you need it. I know I shouldn't regret. But I'm constantly thinking of things I did wrong, I should have done better, etc. The therapist I go to knows about it and thinks it might have to do about anxiety my brother puts me through. You know how a dog being dominant with it's humans is not really good for the dog? Stressful and all.. Well, that's how it is for me every day. In addition to the sleeping issues and the loss. I don't really want to go into details about it. But basically my brother was born with a defect that postponed his learning and such, and now he's so misbehaved, so out of control that my therapist's husband, upon meeting my brother though he has a learning disorder(which he doesn't). He's that bad. I'm not sure, Woodpecker. I've tried two pills, and a few other home remedies but yeah. Even with the pills I could be dead on my feet and not be able to fall asleep. It more than waking up in the middle of the night. I can't get to sleep to begin with. It was taking upwards of 3-5 hours to fall asleep a few months/weeks ago.

woodpecker · August 2009

poor Dreamy.. i would hate to have imsomnia.. i know what your going through with the brother anxient.. but i think in slightly different ways.. mine was born with a lumpoma (sp.? basically a lump of fatty tissue) in the middle of his brain. its unremovable. he has seizures and stuff, and its pretty damn scary espically when he passes out. it awful to be pained by a family member.. one of my friends parents took a sleeping pill a few years ago, because they put their hand through a sheet of glass, for the pain. i think it knocked them out for a day and two nights.. lol

EpikLove · August 2009

Aww, Dreamy.

I've never had sleep issues, I am a -heavy- sleeper, and you'd probably have to kick me out of bed to gedt me fully awake. xD But, my friend, she has had sleep issues for a long time. She SURROUNDED herself in lavender. She had lavender perfume on her hands, bed, pillows, lavender shower gel and shampoo, everything was lavender. And then she fell asleep easily and stayed asleep!

It's been over a year, and she doesn't have any sleep issues anymore. :] So maybe you could try that? But I don't know if it would work.

Anytime you wanna talk, you can PM me, I'm there for ya.

<3

Jazz · August 2009

Aw, Dreamy -pets- I know what you mean about the sleep issues, I can't fall asleep at all period until almost 1am usually and then I wake up 3 or 4 times. I was here when you had to get rid of Auzzy, and I still feel for you, I've had to get rid of dogs in the past for the same reason. When we got Jazzy, my old Keeshond Sasha, who my parents had before I was even born, had to be put down and I thought I would never love another dog. But then I was doing a project on shelter dogs and when we went my Jazz was there.. and I just fell in love. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them now. They're my whole life and my best friends, and I'd die if we had to get rid of them. So I know how you feel, in a way. But Auzzy wasn't your fault, and if you hadn't then he could have seriously hurt someone. I know how hard it is to love another dog after you lose the old one. Auzzy was a great dog and he had a great life with you. You never have enough time with the ones you love, believe me I know. If you need to talk you know I'm here for you

Howdy, Stranger!

I just.. Need to understand.

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