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~Story

edited July 2009 in General Discussion
Chapter One: First Day<br><br><span style="font-size:84">I saw the morning sun beat through the crooked blindes of my house shed, and I look to the right and see his shining face. Perfection. I get up, and can barely stand. It's too early in the morning. 5:32 AM, to be precise. Last night we had ran away, and now we're on a journey. It got too late for me to drive, so we were forced to pull over and take a rest in our small, silver tin camper. We're on our way to Alaska, many miles away from Nevada. The Journey starts now. I wake Tyler up, and he rubs his beautiful crystal blue eyes. His glowing blonde hair is glowing in the faint sunshine, and all I see is perfection. He's extremely tired, so I let him fall soundly back asleep. I walk out of the camper, careful not to make any loud noises, for Tyler might wake up. I see his eyes slowly closing and know he fell asleep peacefully. The morning sun is glowing bright, and the countryside is beautiful. There are playful rabbits running around in the distance, and birds singing a morning song, it's perfect. Unlike home, the biggest little city in the world, always bustling, hustling, and you can never get a break. There are smokers, homeless people, and gangs all around. It's not as safe as it seems, and not nearly as innocent as people think. Reno is the biggest little city in the world, meaning casinoes, bars, clubs, and many other things, not meant for young teens. Since Summer began, there has only been Rain. Never a break. Tyler and I needed to get out, be free... to hear the song of Freedom. Here, in this field to nowhere, we found it. Our only mistake, leaving the ones we love behind. It's too late to turn back now. I was sitting in the vibrant sun, and Tyler awoke and walked out of the camper. His smile means a thousand songs. His laugh means a thousand fast heartbeats. And his soul means a thousand words. One word. Perfection. We climb into my Dodge Truck, and turn on the engine. We were on our journey once again. We turned on the radio, and "Livin on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi was playing. I started humming, and Tyler pulled out his guitar and started playing along. Everytime he hit a tune, my heart skipped a beat. It was a perfect time. I cannot believe the beauty outside the small town of Reno, it's amazing, its beautiful, its ..just.. perfect. Such perfection, my heart skips a beat. I look over at Tyler, and his head is slowly going down. He had barely any sleep. I let his eyelids slowly close, and I just continue listening to all the world has to offer. Couldn't get any better.</span>
i know you're supposed to cherish life , but this crap isn't paradise .
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love&&lifegaurds , mondy♥; .

Comments

  • :arrow:
    i know you're supposed to cherish life , but this crap isn't paradise .
    Avatar.png
    love&&lifegaurds , mondy♥; .
  • Wow, you got the peacefulness and happiness down really, really well :) It made me smile lol I like it so far! And because the town sounds alot like my town - thugs and stuff everywhere - not a place for young teens. Are you gonna post more chapters? =O
  • Thanks xD and yeah. As I write them. They're small chapters though XD I lack long detail.
    i know you're supposed to cherish life , but this crap isn't paradise .
    Avatar.png
    love&&lifegaurds , mondy♥; .
  • MondyFlax wrote:
    Thanks xD and yeah. As I write them. They're small chapters though XD I lack long detail.
    <br><br>Ahh, me too x.x long detail is like my worst point in writing xD
  • Nice short writing, Mondy. :]<br><br> I think I saw some punctuation errors but oh wells, I abuse commas all the time! xD <br><br> You made the scene seem very peaceful and wonderful. Though I think you could've added what the girl liked about the place more than the city.<br><br>Example: I sniffed the air. The scent of fresh dew and trees was wonderful, unlike the unclean air in Reno. <br><br>Ect. ect.<br><br> But I really like this chapter. You captured the peace of mind the girl had. Good job!<br><br>Keep writing,<br>Shay.
    2u9tik7.png
    "Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in New Eyes."
  • Ooh, keep writing! Love it! :D
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    Goals: 13/50million VPC
  • I love It :D <br><br>Only thing i would say, is that you used the word 'glowing' just a tiny bit too much!
  • Thats really good, Meeps. But use 'glowing' and 'perfection' a teeny bit less?<br><br>xD Better than I could do.
    "I am carrying all my hatred and contempt for power, its laws, its authority, its society, and I have no room for guilt or fear of punishment."-Diego Rios
    Semper Fi.
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