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Story[Should I continue it?]

<span style="font-size:92">As far back as I can remember, I have been alone. I do not have a name, nor do I have a family. When people address me, they just call me 'That boy.' No one ever bothered giving me an identity. No one has ever cared for me. Until now<br><br>Someone came two days ago, and took me away from the fields where I was picking beans. They brought me in a car to a large building. The sign on the side said WINDRIXVILLE BOYS HOME. They put me in a room and asked me a bunch of questions, like what wa my name or how old I was. I told them that I have no name and I think that im 15 years old. Once they finished questioning me, they took me to a large room with a row of beds on each side. Each bed had a small dresser beside it. They led me to one of the beds, then told me to stay. so I sat and waited.<br><br>They told me to wash up and gave me a cloth and some soap. I quickly washed, watching the grime come of my skin. I looked into the mirror, studying my light brown hair and ice blue eyes. The light tan on my skin made my eyes seem like shards of ice. I stood at about 5'6", and weighed maybe 100pds. My hair was shaggy enough to brush the back of the neck, I liked it that way.<br><br>They told me to report to the office, and I did so, somehow not getting lost. Two women, the headmistress and her daughter, looked me over as I sat there, then disappeared into the inner office. I could hear only snatches of their conversation. "He needs a name" I heard the daughter say, and I tensed. "we just cant call him boy." The women sighed. "Name him whatever. find out his history. We need it to put him up for adoption." They were going to put me up for adoption like some...stray? The daughter came out and just stood there, studying me. "Your name from now on is Micheal Nickolas, ok?" she said. I nodded respectfully. "follow me, Micheal" She said, starting to walk away. <br><br>I followed her, walking slightly behind her. I would soon learn that she was also the school teacher here, and that her name was Mrs. Anderson. She led me into the classroom and introduced me to the class. "Class, this is micheal nickolas. He's a new student here" She then sat me at a desk and gave me a pencil and paper. She assigned one of the boys to help me, but I knew what we were doing, so I was soon working alone.<br><br>After that, every day was pretty much the same. Wake up, wash up, breakfast, morning chores, morning classes, lunch, afternoon classes, afternoon chores, dinner, then wash up and into bed by 9. Everything was planned. and then, a year after my arrival, everything changed.<br><br>I was called down to the office in the middle of breakfast. I walked down, and the man and woman i had seen walking around yesterday, observing us orphans, were there. Mrs. Anderson 'introduced' me to them. "Mr. and Mrs. Wood, this is the boy you saw yesterday that you liked, right? They nodded, then Mr. Wood addressed me. "Whats your name, boy?" He asked me. "Micheal Nickolas" I answered quietly, staring at the floor. They studied me quietly then nodded....</span><br><br>Thats as far as I got. Do you think it should be continued or should I start a new story? Ratings please, and suggestions.<br><3

Comments

  • I think if you like the story, you should continue ^^<br><br><br>I would suggest more character thoughts ^^ It says a lot of what happened, but doesnt say what the character is thinking. Other than that, the plot works well with the character. :D Keep working with it, I think you have good ideas and it'll go well. But, this of course is up to you, and if you're satisfied with it :wink: If you do decide to write more and want to post it, I'd be interested to see where the story goes :P
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • I think if you like the story, you should continue ^^<br><br><br>I would suggest more character thoughts ^^ It says a lot of what happened, but doesnt say what the character is thinking. Other than that, the plot works well with the character. :D Keep working with it, I think you have good ideas and it'll go well. But, this of course is up to you, and if you're satisfied with it :wink: If you do decide to write more and want to post it, I'd be interested to see where the story goes :P
    <br><br><span style="font-size:92">I am the same sort of critic as Nickel. More detail on Michael Nickolas' thoughts would be very good ^.^<br><br>The story jumps into itself too fast, if I can critic on that xD<br>More detail of his surroundings and life should be added...<br><br>And, I'd hate for some greedy writer to steal your story... so maybe you should keep it a little less exposed? XD Some people are real theifs, and with this terrific idea for a story, someone may add and edit and perhaps get it published... Dx</span>
  • I think if you like the story, you should continue ^^<br><br><br>I would suggest more character thoughts ^^ It says a lot of what happened, but doesnt say what the character is thinking. Other than that, the plot works well with the character. :D Keep working with it, I think you have good ideas and it'll go well. But, this of course is up to you, and if you're satisfied with it :wink: If you do decide to write more and want to post it, I'd be interested to see where the story goes :P
    <br><br><span style="font-size:92">I am the same sort of critic as Nickel. More detail on Michael Nickolas' thoughts would be very good ^.^<br><br>The story jumps into itself too fast, if I can critic on that xD<br>More detail of his surroundings and life should be added...<br><br>And, I'd hate for some greedy writer to steal your story... so maybe you should keep it a little less exposed? XD Some people are real theifs, and with this terrific idea for a story, someone may add and edit and perhaps get it published... Dx</span>
    <br><br><br>Yes, Im a paranoid writer like that too >.> I dont know if this story was just for fun or not. Anything Im serious about I dont post online, so if you go through editing and fixing it up and -dont- want to take a risk, I'd offer the same advice. I write stories for fun, and keep my important ones to myself (though, all of my writing is important to me xD)
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
  • lmao<br><br>Thats a somewhat editted version<br><br>and I'll keep those tips in mind<br>I origionally wrote that during school cause I was bored out of my mind. and I think up to
    Everything was planned. and then, a year after my arrival, everything changed.
    will be the prolougue to it xD then I'll get slowly into more detail if I continue it<br><br>Oddly, I find writing in first person so much easier than in third person o.O
  • First person is easier for me too. It makes it much easier to express thoughts and whatnot. Though, it also leaves out valuable parts in a story when there are multiple characters involved, you dont get the full picture... but, I like it more xD <br><br><br>Good luck :D
    All good things must come to an end. All endings will begin new good things.
    mini_nickel_vere_roan_quin_by_evlonarts_d6ih13_by_jaded_night-d775ero.png
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