The email.

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

I'm immature. I know. Leave me alone. I long for a friend and support in real life and it has let me down every time. This is a personal writing and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bash me on it. This is for mental support I need Nothing else. I'm not answering my messages. I'm quite sure I know I know and have debts. And I'm trying hard to pay them back. Dear Mom.. And Dad too, I'm about to ask a question you've heard before. Can we get another dog? I've hinted and asked before. And many were flat out jokes. I think I've only really hinted or asked about five times. The rest, like I said, were jokes. I have a reason behind this though. Not longing for a dog like with/before Auzzy. Not missing owning a dog like with Bella. I really and truly want a friend. I haven't had the best experience with friends so far, as you know. Emily wasn't great. My friends from school didn't care enough to call me back. Most others I know are at least two years younger than me. I know we are going to be meeting with the family of fourteen kids soon, and are working on getting a group together. Please, don't think I'm forgetting. But it's not the same. I'm sure when you guys were kids you had friends close by. Or at least saw them often. I hardly ever saw my friends outside of school. I didn't enjoy talking to Emily, not because I wanted to get back to the computer, but because I didn't care for anything she was talking about. Nintendogs, her clothes, her friends. That's all I ever heard! One word about me and she either "had to go" or would say okay and start talking about herself again. I don't mean that Bella isn't great. Which I know you're thinking "We've done so much and allowed you one dog. You're ungrateful to want two." Or something. I am grateful for Bella. But she doesn't, and never has felt.. mine. Auzzy felt mine from the moment I saw him. After the first week, when he deteriorated in behaviour, only small moments he felt like mine. The rest made me confused, worried, and a little scared. I miss him like heck though. I really loved him. He was better when I took him for walks all the time, but you warned me to slow down a bit so when winter came(though I was planning to do it gradually) he wasn't let down. I worked with agility with him and he was ever improving but I had to stop because he'd trip me and I hit my head on a stump and was scared. He was wonderful at times, but at other times, scared and aggressive. This was not my fault, completely. Bella's a gem. She's had one accident(Mrs. Lisa) and is patient and even tempered. She's somewhat eager to please and a complete love bug. Always wanting to be with you. Playful, but past the puppy stage, and still young. Everything you could want. Right? Well, like I've said before. She's wonderful and I love her. But she's not "mine". Auzzy was more of a one person dog. This sounds really selfish, but I loved it when he favored me over others. I'm the one that put the time and effort into getting a dog(research and emotionally through rejection), he should be mine. Right? Well. It's really hard with Bella rejecting me at times for Brett or Olivia, and then going and accepting me. I've told you this before. You thought I meant I thought it was a mistake getting Bella. No. Not at all. I explained this. I chose her instead of waiting because the kind of dog I wanted and needed was different than the type everyone else needed. I put the family before me. If I had my choice I would have chosen Sampson the basset over Bella. But you wouldn't let me, and I chose not to sulk. I'm not trying to make this a sob story. I'm trying to prove to you I am mature. I do many things with Brett and Olivia I don't mention to you. Remember the church service where KidStuff invaded? And they talked about serving in secret. Because it's the satisfaction it gives you, and God. Not the glory of others praising you, that matters. I've been trying to live and work on that. And I'm finally letting some out. Not because I want glory, but to prove this to you. I am not completely selfish. I really do think of others. That's why it hurts me so much when you compare me to Brett. You guys don't know half of it. But I don't care anymore. I'll still try. But it's like the Bible says. It's not what others think of you, but what you think of yourself, and knowing God is proud of you. Again, I'm really trying to understand. I really am. But I don't know our financial statistics. I know gas prices are high. I know our gas mileage isn't great. I know we do a lot others can't. But this is really important to me. I'm almost fourteen.. I can then get a job. I will be willing to put most, if not, all my money towards the dog. I will not allow myself to recieve allowance, I will earn money somehow. I can cancel all birthday/Christmas gifts until needed to pay it off. Put the money you'd put into that towards the dog. I want and need a friend, mom and dad. I need someone I can depend on, and I've been let down too many times by people to easily trust as a real friend again. At least for a while. And the next possible animal is a dog. And it's what I found with Auzzy the first week. Trust and loyalty. I wouldn't want to rush into this like we did Auzzy. You know, getting the answer and 5 days later getting a dog. I would really want to take my time on this. I don't want to go in there and basically say to the shelter "hit me with the best dogs you got". I want to really know what I'm looking for. We sort of did with Bella. But we didn't end up getting any breed we planned on. And we need to find a breed(s) that work, and stick to it. I'm really trying not to get my hopes up. I'm prepared for a discussion and comprimises and negotiation. But please explain to me with your answers why we can't or certain issues regarding this so I can really understand. I want to understand. I know your first question, if even considering it, and this is focused at mom, would be the breed. I really would love something more.. dare I say it, with more energy. Bella is playful at times, but not hyper or high energy. You guys never really understood what hyper was. Hyper isn't like when Auzzy would run on the couch and bite your hand and run to someone else. I don't think we've ever really had a hyper dog. I want high engery. It's a dog getting excited. Overly excited. Think about Brett getting obnoxious. And I only know this about being goofy, but when he was like that, he's hyper. A dog might be pacing, running around, getting excited, or anything. You run them or give them something to do. Like Mrs. Nancy said, A tired dog is a good dog. It's not when they go up and bite you. I just mean that I'd like more to work with. I'm not very motivated to take Bella for a walk because she'd rather sit around the house or lick your hand. Auzzy was glad to get OUT of the house. Bella's smart. But she's not very easy to train. Not in the sense that she's stubborn or slow, but I'll sit down and she'll come over and sit on my lap. It's the way she's been trained since a pup. We had no hand in that. And I'm not retraining that trait. Please don't tell this to Mrs. Sandy or Mr. Rob or any friends. Please don't even mention it to me outside of email. I'm embarrassed and feel I'm selfish with this. Just keep it in email, please, and I'll be happy.

lilly waters · July 2008

Aww Dreamy. *hugs* I know how it is. About the friend situation. Many times I feel like I have no friends because they either can't stop talking about themseleves and not even letting me talk or they are to off finding guys. I find I'm not a tipical girl. I mean I like guys but I don't go out of my way and throw myself at them. But with the other girls thats what they are doing. I find they leave me alone alot and that I don't have friends. I have started to get more guy friends and I find talking to them and the girls is so much diffrent. They let me talk. I find they also don't just keep the sub on girls or leave me alone. They also say "Hey --- Wanna go and play in the gym?" Or whatever. I found now talking to the guys I have been much more in touch with God since I had people to share my comminetment. I have been told by the youth leaders that my faith has grown and that I know it was because of the guys. But if I didn't have them and I didn't have the dog I loved (Pugsley) I would die. I mean probley not literly but my spirit. I wouldn't have anyone to talk to and play with. My life would be boring and I wouldn't have anywhere to turn. I know what you mean Dreamy it takes it's toll and many times you feel like screaming. I sugest you start journaling and letting out all your feelings in there. Also if you want I would let you talk and we could talk about stuff that you need to talk about. Maybe get a penpal as well

Also start by sitting your parents down and really expressing how a dog (a hyper one) would make your life much better. Getting a job would help since you would have something to keep your mind off. So find a hobbie (maybe write a book or whatever you like to do) I find I have my drama and I stick with that and that really makes me happy even when my life isn't. *hugs* I hope you feel better

Doggirl1995 · July 2008

*huggles Dreamy* I totally get how you feel, though I can't say I've ever been in your position. I can't offer much advice, I'm not too good when it comes to that. But I know how you feel about wanting a dog thats "yours" Our previous dog, was like Bella, and once he had passed away, and we got a new dog, Casper, I knew he was mine. It's great having a dog like that, and I really hope things turn out okay for you

I really do hope thinks work out, and eventually, I know you will get your friend, but sometimes that wait can be really hard on us. But keep on going, I know you'll pull though

EpikLove · July 2008

-hugs- I don't really know you, but I really hope things look up for you. I can't exactly give you advice, like Horseh said, cause I have never been in that kind of position. Friends - Well, I have a few close ones, but thats all. We fight, but we always make up. Thats what friends do, don't they? ^^ I've never truly felt that a dog was "mine". I've had a little mutt puppy before, and she never felt like she was mine. Eventually, because of some problems, we had to give her away to my aunt. I visit her a lot, but she never feels that special way to me. My older dog, my GSD, Max, loved me, but not that special kind of love you see in the movies and read in the books like you had with Auzzy. My current dog, Misty, feels like that to my mom, not me. I'm always busy with school and such, and never get to spend time with her. It hurts me so much to see that, but I cope with it, knowing that at least, at least, she loves someone. Not much to give you advice, just to offer you support ^^ If you ever need to talk you can PM me if you'd like.

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Thank you, everyone. I emailed it to my mom as my dad only replies to messages from his dad. She's out with my dad. But she checks her email every morning and night. I've just got to pray that she doesn't say anything to me. If she does, I won't be able to hold in the tears. ><

DoodleBugHolding · July 2008

-Hugs- That was a very mature thing to do what you did right there. You did everything you should of. You didn't argue or throw a fit or anything like that but you told your parent's everything you needed too in just the right way. I probably couldn't have even done that. And it seems like Auzzy was an amazing dog. I hope your parent's listen to this and take it to heart. But you really did tell them in just the right way and I am way proud of you. <333

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Thanks Doodleh.

I'm not even going to mention how many 10 minute breaks I had to take because I was crying so hard I was writing stupid things. x___x You've become such a great friend of mine.

DoodleBugHolding · July 2008

:[ Awwh well I hope you won't have to be upset anymore. They will hopefully understand that you did a big thing to do something like that and you did it in just the right way. I wish you the best of luck -hugs- And you have been an even greater friend to me so don't worry about it. <3

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

You know I don't believe I've been a better friend. ^^ Thanks.

Tattoo · July 2008

I think it's perfect.

ParanoidThoughts8 · July 2008

i happen to think that was a mature thing to do, and once again, im sorry about auzzy my dog big black, is perfect in every way i dont know what id do without him i honestly coudent cope i hope you get the perfect dog, its taken me 7 dogs to find the perfect one! :D they were all special in their own way, but big black is MINE and hes perfect in EVERY way

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Thanks everyone. I'm glad Big Black is working out for you, lolo.

SunnyDaysDontLie · July 2008

Dreamy! That is a wonderful letter. You shouldn't feel ashamed, as it put out your true feelings. Thats not immaturity. Thats maturity. Im here if you need me. Im always here. *huggles*

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

I got a reply. But it was basically just saying that they read it and weren't discussing it that night. So.. Thanks Sunny.

SunnyDaysDontLie · July 2008

Aww, thats too bad

No problem, Dreamer.

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Just got to be patient. ^^

Mikey Makita · July 2008

*huggles* I know how you feel. The only dog i`ve ever owned that actually felt like mine is currently laying next to my chair,like she does every night.The others were alays someone elses.But Lexies mine That was a very mature thing you did Dreamy ^.^

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Thanks. :P

tarnish · July 2008

Dreamy, I really get it. I am in the same boat as you with friends. My one friend ditched me for her more 'popular' friends and doesn't think much of calling me ever. It is really terrible. This kind of reminds me of my one dog. We had a german shepherd that was born in May and I was born in October. The dog was there before me and was an adult before I was concious of a dog. She felt like a family dog and not really "my" dog. I kept explaining that to my mom. So, we have two cats. My first cat was meant to be mine. She ended just becoming the family cat and then more my little sister's cat. We then got a cat to give to my grandparents but it didn't work out so we got to keep her. Again, this one became the family pet. When I was older I got a bird. This bird was mine but she wasn't like a dog or cat. I actually think my bird liked my second cat more than me. She died young though. We came home and her wing was stuck in her cage and she was laying at the bottom. We have no idea what happened. Her cage was clean, she had food, she was healthy. When I started asking for the dog, I pulled the whole "let me get a dog instead of christmas and birthday gifts". I also said the same thing about getting a job. "I am almost 16 and able to drive! I can go and get a job and buy the food myself. I can also take her to vet checkups." It seems we are alike in that sense Dreamy. I was planning on putting together a whole report on dog breeds, costs, ect. I was able to get my mom alone when my sister was at camp. I talked to her about it and she kept throwing excuses at me, "What about when you go to college? I am going to be stuck with the dog." I felt like I was annoying her and more times than one, she would say, "Kaitie I don't want to talk about this tonight," The next day she was looking through the paper and mentioned puppies for sale. We went down to look and actually considered getting a dog. We called the vet and got his opinion. Now I am actually getting a dog and will pick up my little border collie in August. I am very surprised and happy because I have been asking for almost 3 yrs. Now all I hear is, "You better take care of her. I don't need pee in the house." and "Border collies are very active and you need to make sure you take her outside a lot." Dreamy, I am sure you will get a dog sometime. I think it was brave to send that email to your mom. I really hope the best for you. Good luck with everything and your parents.

UnknownDreamland · July 2008

Thanks Tarnish. I really understand what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to understand your parents. >< It might be different if she'd let me out there with other dogs. But she won't take me to volunteer because it's dangerous. Heck, I've been bitten by Auzzy before. Multiple times. I've been to the doctors(obviously) for that, her own cat has bit my face before. I know what she means.. But she's at the shelter when we were looking at Auzzy and she's sticking her hands in the cage. I don't understand her half the time. I really don't It confuses me to no end. >< I hope you're right. I can't wait for you to bombard us with puppy pictures too. =D

Howdy, Stranger!

The email.

Comments