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How does this sound?

KiteKatsumi9KiteKatsumi9
edited May 2008 in General Discussion
How does this sound for the back-cover summary of a book?<br><br>"He had been a heart-throb to the majority of Kingston High School's female population, the epitome of an attractive, athletic, desireable mate. They all seemed to adore his golden locks, desire his flawless face, and fall victim to his enticing lavender eyes..."<br><br>Dillon Pepper, a young Kansas boy of 17, had it all. The looks, the girls, the grades, the quarterback status in the football team, and a place in the class president election with his name on it. Life was golden, the world was on his side, and he had everything going for him. Until a vacation in North Dakota turned tragic, he changed his look, and learned a secret he had kept even from himself. Everything rapidly went downhill. After quitting the football team, pulling out of the election, and losing his popularily, what does he have left to live for?<br><br><br><br><br>Should I reword any of it? :3 The stuff in "s is pulled from the story itself, so it won't be edited.
Bye.

Comments

  • a-sapa-sap
    71.235.23.215
    It sounds great! the only part that doesn't sound right to me is, "the most important spot in the football team".<br><br>Maybe change to quarterback, or just any other popular position, just a sugestion though :wink: <br><br>Sounds like a great book :D
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  • KiteKatsumi9KiteKatsumi9
    66.63.86.119
    I had it that way cause I have 0 knowlage about football XD Is a quarterback the most important one?<br><br>Thanks! ^^
    Bye.
  • LuvmysheepLuvmysheep
    66.253.151.19
    A quarterback is very important......the most referred to.
    558496471654157oq3.jpg
    If u want to be added PM me! http://luvsmyanimals.blogspot.com/
  • Summerbreeze5Summerbreeze5
    67.167.102.132
    <span style="font-size:75">Sounds great Kite! =)<br><br>...way better than I could word it >_><br><br>The story sounds pretty neat! ^^</span>
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  • RangerRanger
    68.30.220.102
    sounds great! you have definatley sparked my interest! when your finished with the book ya should send it to me to "edit' lol jk, but it sounds great!
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  • CobaltCobalt
    70.240.49.1
    Kite_Katsumi wrote:
    <br>Dillon Pepper, a young Kansas boy of 17, had it all; the looks, the girls, the grades, the quarterback status in the football team, and a place in the class president election with his name on it. <br>
    <br><br>This seems a little too...long of a sentence for my taste. Maybe take away a comma? That would split it up a little more nicely. <br><br>I like it though :3
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  • a-sapa-sap
    71.235.23.215
    Cobalt wrote:
    Kite_Katsumi wrote:
    <br>Dillon Pepper, a young Kansas boy of 17, had it all; the looks, the girls, the grades, the quarterback status in the football team, and a place in the class president election with his name on it. <br>
    <br><br>This seems a little too...long of a sentence for my taste. Maybe take away a comma? That would split it up a little more nicely. <br><br>I like it though :3
    <br><br>I see what you mean Cobalt. Maybe something like this:<br><br>Dillon Pepper is a young Kansas boy of 17 who had it all; the looks, the girls, the grades, the quarterback status in the football team, and a place in the class president election with his name on it.<br><br>Takes away a few commas :lol: <br><br>Just a suggestion :wink:
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  • CobaltCobalt
    70.240.49.1
    Yup, that looks better :)
    2008_02Anim1Cobalt1.gif
  • Mikey MakitaMikey Makita
    70.16.121.160
    Cool!<br>I like it xD
  • KiteKatsumi9KiteKatsumi9
    66.63.86.119
    I go comma happy :3 I like commas. They're my friends :D
    Bye.
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