Blackness, Yellow fear.

MadFarmPupII · December 2007

hrmmm <br><br>

In a dark alley in Vancouver, there lived a little girl, age six, who sat on her stoop every night. Her eyes were yellow with fear, the fear that if she ever dosed them that the world she had known to love would turn black. Black like the bag she was laid in when she was kidnapped as a baby. Black like the lifeless eyes of her younger brother, past the breaking point, cowering in the corner of the basement. Black like her hair, matted damp and unwashed. She gazed into the sky dreaming that one-day, someday soon, everything would change. There was two things she wanted more than anything in the world. To be reunited with her â€œrealâ€

kobbi · December 2007

"the fear that if she ever dosed them" kinda sounds weird...maybe replace with "the fear that if she ever closed them" or "the fear that if she ever slept"<br><br>other than that its wicked

dachshund girl · December 2007

I agree its great (once you get farther pm me some more i want to know what happens)

MadFarmPupII · December 2007

ermmm... i posted more... but i'm not sure i like it.

Doggirl1995 · December 2007

Its a good story, not sure if you want mechanical (sp? o.0) advice too, but you have lots of peroids in the story, maybe try replacing some of those with commas.

MadFarmPupII · December 2007

bump

dachshund girl · December 2007

I love it!

Howdy, Stranger!

Blackness, Yellow fear.

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