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Letting Go..
Letting go can be difficult. It has been for me. I know I have said a few times that I was gonna leave VP. But yeh.. really... came back again because I couldn't let go of it.Yeah.. I guess thats sounds sad, but at times, VP was the highlight of my day. I would sit at school wishing I could be at home on the computer. So I could talk to the players I was friends with. To get through some training, improve whatever breed I was working on.<br><br>VP and the players meant so much to me to leave. I have had alot of support from friends on here, and I am grateful for that.<br>But I no longer look at VP in the same way. It's not VP thats changing. It's me. The want to be able to talk to the friends I have made has faded, and almost no longer exsist. No one has done anything wrong to upset me or anything. I just no longer feel like I'm part of VP in a way o.O<br><br>I haven't properly been on the site doing anything. Trained a dog or two. Thats about it. I've lost the will to play anymore. I've been in chat almost everyday. I used to join chat as soon as i got on the computer. Now I sit and wonder for up to an hour if I really do want to join. <br>I join, but I sit and debate if I made the right choice to join. Then I'll leave.. and do the same. Ask myself if that was the right choice again.<br>Those who are on chat alot might have notised. In one night I can be in and out of chat about 6 times.. and all the time I'm asking myself if it was right to join/leave.<br><br>It's me who changing. Not VP. I want to stress that point. The way my mind works seems to have changed. I never used to mind what people said about me. I now seem paranoid at the slightest things some people say, or what they don't say.<br><br>But the time has come where I am ready to let go of everything. VP and it's players. I am very much grateful for the friends I have, or had, on here. I do not regret becoming friends with anyone.<br>I guess many people will look at this in a, 'You're leaving your friends and don't care that they will miss you..' sort of way. I do care that they will miss me, if they do. But the fact is, they are probably better off without me. I have said things I regret, told friends secrets I regret.<br><br>I know I have really pissed off some people. But I can't changed or take back what I have done/said. No matter how much I want to.<br>All I can really say to them, is that I am sorry.<br><br>I guess really, I need to let go of everything. I have no idea if my life I going anywhere. I have no idea if friendships I have are worth while.<br>I never used to think like this, but I do now. And it is hard for me when my thinking goes all weird but, meh.. I go with what I can.<br>VP used to make me feel good. Like I belonged somewhere. I dunno, I just don't feel part of VP anymore. I kinda just feel like.. I'm there, but there is no poont of being there o.O.<br><br>And whether I made any sense at all, I don't know. Most of the time I can't make sense of i say/type anyways. So I haven't bothered to read over it to correct errors, so sorry for that too.<br>But yeah, I'm finally letting go. I want to let go. I want to forget about VP.<br>And yes, that does mean forgetting about everyone on here, and that shall sound mean, but meh, don't think it;s possible to make is sound nice..o.o So I shant try, the post is long enough as it is.<br><br>I may still be on chat. I will still be on VP sometimes, until I get training done that I said I would do a while back. After that, thats it. I'll be gone.
Comments
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.
Semper Fi.